From May to July I was single and living it up, which for me means juggling a few guys, getting attached to no one, repeat, repeat, repeat until I feel like a slut and settle down for a relationship.
Sammy is out, Bentley is in.
Bentley is in the military, my height, solid body, a cute accent, he could keep up with witty banter and had an unusual piercing which was kind of a fun novelty.
Twice a month, he would come over and spend the weekend with me. He missed cooking so we'd go to the grocery store and he'd cook for me all weekend. He did a few minor repairs around the house, snuggled on the couch and watched Game of Thrones with me and we had ridiculous chemistry.
We always intended for this to be a a friends with benefits arrangement but he liked getting out of the barracks and I liked being cooked for. Bentley was due to get out of the military in October and would be moving back to his family in the south and figuring out what to do with his life. There was absolutely no long term potential which was fine with me.
But then Bentley started texting me. All. The. Time. When he had long shifts at work, when he was away on temporary duty assignments, when he was bored, when he woke up, and on and on and on. He's a totally nice guy, but this is not the deal we made. I was willing to be his friend, but not interested in being his emotional support system around the clock.
I had the kid for a weekend, then was out of town for a week, then kept delaying seeing Bentley again. How do you break up with a friend you fuck?
I decided to do it over text because it wasn't a real relationship. I told him we couldn't sleep together any more, and after assuring him that he hadn't upset me in any way, he was fine with it. Thank god. And we legitimately are friends now. We still text, I'm guilty of dodging him a bit, but he's funny and interesting and I don't regret the weekends we spent together.
Showing posts with label Dating Misadventures. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dating Misadventures. Show all posts
Thursday, August 4, 2016
Thursday, May 26, 2016
Sammy
Sammy and I agreed we just want to have fun together. We meet on a week night and have dinner. We have a ton in common. His sister dropped out of the same college I dropped out of, we cheer for opposing teams but are similarly obsessed with sports, he seems nervous but nice.
We have dinner and then walk to another bar. We have a second drink. We go to my house and have a third drink. We get naked and I spend an hour lavishing attention on the most perfect cock and rock hard body I've ever been with. He is effusive with praise. Sammy calls me a slut, intending it to be part of dirty talk. Tears quietly flow but I keep going. He apologises, "I didn't mean it like that," "You aren't that word," "I'll never say that again." and on and on.
I know he's genuine. He couldn't have known that would have such an impact on me. I didn't know it would have such an impact on me.
We carry on. We finish. He apologizes more. I tell him its fine and I'd rather let the matter drop. When he leaves, Sammy kisses me on the cheek.
The next day we text filthy things to each other from work and Sammy tells me he craves my touch. He picks me up from work and we go to my house, to my shower, to my bed. He pushes my limits, makes requests of me. Some I agree to, some I don't. He doesn't press when I resist.
He wants to take pictures. You know, pictures. I agree but tell him, the pictures are taken with my phone so I control access to them and the pictures do not include my face. He eagerly agrees. He finishes and we watch a game before he leaves. I have work to do.
That night, he texts me asking for the pictures. I'm equal parts nervous and opportunistic. Our two encounters have been very...Sammy oriented. I tell him that tomorrow, its my turn, and if he's a good boy, the photos are his. Sammy thinks eagerly agrees.
Hours later, he's asking again. I remind him of the deal. Sammy insists. I demur. He pleads. I say no. He badgers. I tell him he's acting like a child. He tells me I'm playing games like his awful ex.
Wow.
I tell Sammy I'm uncomfortable. I'm not ready. I don't want to do this and want to delete them all anyway. He tells me he'll take care of me the next day. I tell him I don't want it.
The texts cease. I work myself into an anxious state. And argue with myself
"Now he'll never like me."
You should lose his number
"But he's so hot."
But he's pushy and mean and isn't' taking no for an answer.
"He did warn you he's a very sexual person."
I go back and forth. I send Sammy one picture. He tells me I'm a good girl.
I tell him I feel disgusting. He tells me "I won't share these with anyone else. If you are afraid of me judging you, I'm not."
But his judgment doesn't mean anything. Its not about fitting into the role he wants. Its about me being able to live with the choices I make.
We have dinner and then walk to another bar. We have a second drink. We go to my house and have a third drink. We get naked and I spend an hour lavishing attention on the most perfect cock and rock hard body I've ever been with. He is effusive with praise. Sammy calls me a slut, intending it to be part of dirty talk. Tears quietly flow but I keep going. He apologises, "I didn't mean it like that," "You aren't that word," "I'll never say that again." and on and on.
I know he's genuine. He couldn't have known that would have such an impact on me. I didn't know it would have such an impact on me.
We carry on. We finish. He apologizes more. I tell him its fine and I'd rather let the matter drop. When he leaves, Sammy kisses me on the cheek.
The next day we text filthy things to each other from work and Sammy tells me he craves my touch. He picks me up from work and we go to my house, to my shower, to my bed. He pushes my limits, makes requests of me. Some I agree to, some I don't. He doesn't press when I resist.
He wants to take pictures. You know, pictures. I agree but tell him, the pictures are taken with my phone so I control access to them and the pictures do not include my face. He eagerly agrees. He finishes and we watch a game before he leaves. I have work to do.
That night, he texts me asking for the pictures. I'm equal parts nervous and opportunistic. Our two encounters have been very...Sammy oriented. I tell him that tomorrow, its my turn, and if he's a good boy, the photos are his. Sammy thinks eagerly agrees.
Hours later, he's asking again. I remind him of the deal. Sammy insists. I demur. He pleads. I say no. He badgers. I tell him he's acting like a child. He tells me I'm playing games like his awful ex.
Wow.
I tell Sammy I'm uncomfortable. I'm not ready. I don't want to do this and want to delete them all anyway. He tells me he'll take care of me the next day. I tell him I don't want it.
The texts cease. I work myself into an anxious state. And argue with myself
"Now he'll never like me."
You should lose his number
"But he's so hot."
But he's pushy and mean and isn't' taking no for an answer.
"He did warn you he's a very sexual person."
I go back and forth. I send Sammy one picture. He tells me I'm a good girl.
I tell him I feel disgusting. He tells me "I won't share these with anyone else. If you are afraid of me judging you, I'm not."
But his judgment doesn't mean anything. Its not about fitting into the role he wants. Its about me being able to live with the choices I make.
Thursday, May 12, 2016
Bye Brandon
This isn't working.
You don't tell someone you're in love with them after a month. It puts pressure on me to feel the same. And here I am, 3 months later, not in love, not falling in love, and sort of falling out of like.
I'm tired of being condescended to.
I'm tired of you over explaining unfunny jokes, and thereby making the joke even worse.
I'm tired of the way your beard gets in the way, of your complaints about your weight but inaction to change the situation, tired of trying to work around your...erm, shortcomings.
I regret giving you a key.
I regret coming to dinner with your family.
I regret letting you meet my family.
I don't know why I thought I could overlook so much. Like the way you wear basketball shorts everywhere, dates included.
That you spent 2 months on unemployment not looking for a job because you needed "a break."
That you lost the job you had when we met because you got drunk at a work event and put your arm around female coworkers and made them feel uncomfortable.
That you don't read, or follow the news, or politics, or anything that isn't prominently featured on FaceBook.
That you are such a picky eater that we could only go out for pizza or burgers.
You know how I know you're not in love with me? Because you're in love with the idea of me. Don't presume to tell me what makes me happy or doesn't.
***
So he came over. I told him it wasn't working. He pushed and pushed for me to tell him why. I finally told him I was tired of being condescended to and not feeling heard.
"Do you think that's just in how you're interpreting and hearing things though?"
So weird that I don't want to be in this relationship where I'm always wrong and you're always right.
"Are all your relationships this difficult?"
Pretty much. I'm stubborn, I'm fiery, at my own peril- I find it hard to shut up.
But I'm also funny, loving, kind, caring, and thoughtful.
And also not in love with you and not showing you my best self.
"I know you make rash, impulsive decisions. Is this what you really want?"
What a CONDESCENDING thing to say.
"Can we work on things?"
No.
"So this is it?"
Yes. I'm not going to string you along and tell you maybe things will be different in a month.
***
The other day, a man on the street told me to smile. I hate being told to smile. I think most women do. Please don't tell me what to do with my face. I don't walk around with a permanent grin because I'm not deranged.
But I smile because it was an instant reaction. My facial muscles betrayed my brain and my feminist sensibilities. Its also the easiest answer. Just smile so the strange man will leave you alone, leave you unharmed.
Later, as I recount the experience to Brandon, telling him how uncomfortable the experience was, he says, "Yeah, one time this hippy chick told me, 'You dropped your smile' to get me to smile."
This is not the same. This is not the same. This is not the same.
I tried to explain the power dynamic, the patriarchy bullshit, the inherent unease. Brandon is 6'4, built like a linebacker and has often worked security at bars and restaurants. I understand he probably hasn't felt unsafe walking down the street. But the part that pissed me off was his unwillingness to listen to me. What does it hurt to listen?
***
After 45 minutes of bullshit, he left. And I laid on the couch for about an hour, playing on my phone. And then I got up and got back to work because I have shit to do.
I woke up the next day feeling lighter and freer than I have in a long time.
I don't have any dating apps on my phone.
I don't have a stable of guys I'm talking to.
I have my job, my business, my son, my trips, my pets, my friends, my weekends and evenings all my own.
I can spend my time however I want. I answer to no one.
And won't have anyone mansplaining jokes to me anymore.
You don't tell someone you're in love with them after a month. It puts pressure on me to feel the same. And here I am, 3 months later, not in love, not falling in love, and sort of falling out of like.
I'm tired of being condescended to.
I'm tired of you over explaining unfunny jokes, and thereby making the joke even worse.
I'm tired of the way your beard gets in the way, of your complaints about your weight but inaction to change the situation, tired of trying to work around your...erm, shortcomings.
I regret giving you a key.
I regret coming to dinner with your family.
I regret letting you meet my family.
I don't know why I thought I could overlook so much. Like the way you wear basketball shorts everywhere, dates included.
That you spent 2 months on unemployment not looking for a job because you needed "a break."
That you lost the job you had when we met because you got drunk at a work event and put your arm around female coworkers and made them feel uncomfortable.
That you don't read, or follow the news, or politics, or anything that isn't prominently featured on FaceBook.
That you are such a picky eater that we could only go out for pizza or burgers.
You know how I know you're not in love with me? Because you're in love with the idea of me. Don't presume to tell me what makes me happy or doesn't.
***
So he came over. I told him it wasn't working. He pushed and pushed for me to tell him why. I finally told him I was tired of being condescended to and not feeling heard.
"Do you think that's just in how you're interpreting and hearing things though?"
So weird that I don't want to be in this relationship where I'm always wrong and you're always right.
"Are all your relationships this difficult?"
Pretty much. I'm stubborn, I'm fiery, at my own peril- I find it hard to shut up.
But I'm also funny, loving, kind, caring, and thoughtful.
And also not in love with you and not showing you my best self.
"I know you make rash, impulsive decisions. Is this what you really want?"
What a CONDESCENDING thing to say.
"Can we work on things?"
No.
"So this is it?"
Yes. I'm not going to string you along and tell you maybe things will be different in a month.
***
The other day, a man on the street told me to smile. I hate being told to smile. I think most women do. Please don't tell me what to do with my face. I don't walk around with a permanent grin because I'm not deranged.
But I smile because it was an instant reaction. My facial muscles betrayed my brain and my feminist sensibilities. Its also the easiest answer. Just smile so the strange man will leave you alone, leave you unharmed.
Later, as I recount the experience to Brandon, telling him how uncomfortable the experience was, he says, "Yeah, one time this hippy chick told me, 'You dropped your smile' to get me to smile."
This is not the same. This is not the same. This is not the same.
I tried to explain the power dynamic, the patriarchy bullshit, the inherent unease. Brandon is 6'4, built like a linebacker and has often worked security at bars and restaurants. I understand he probably hasn't felt unsafe walking down the street. But the part that pissed me off was his unwillingness to listen to me. What does it hurt to listen?
***
After 45 minutes of bullshit, he left. And I laid on the couch for about an hour, playing on my phone. And then I got up and got back to work because I have shit to do.
I woke up the next day feeling lighter and freer than I have in a long time.
I don't have any dating apps on my phone.
I don't have a stable of guys I'm talking to.
I have my job, my business, my son, my trips, my pets, my friends, my weekends and evenings all my own.
I can spend my time however I want. I answer to no one.
And won't have anyone mansplaining jokes to me anymore.
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
Brandon 2
I've fallen ass backwards into a relationship. I say the things I'm supposed to say. I do the things I'm supposed to do. I do thoughtful little things, I do silly little things. Etc. But my heart doesn't feel in it.
There is no challenge here. Brandon will do or say just about anything to make me happy. He's got me on a pedestal that is so damn high. When he annoys me, and I snap at him, he's calm. He calls me on my bullshit, calmly states his case why he doesn't deserve it. And he's always right. But he stays anyway. I'm being flawed and messy and tired and nowhere near my best self and he likes me anyway.
You're thinking, " That's how love works."
Sure. Probably.
But I don't love him.
The other day we hosted a little get together at my house. We both got drunk and as I was lying in bed trying to sleep, there is Brandon lying next to me talking about how he likes holding me, how he has to remind himself to say "I like you" instead of "I love you," how good I make him feel.
I literally had to tell this drunk to shut up. I was in no condition to have a heavy conversation and the whole topic annoys me anyway. I feel like we are dancing around the issue. He loves me, I'm not sure.
I don't have to wake up each morning and guess his mood or try and earn his affection for another day. Or any of the hoops I had to jump through with Jack. Brandon is with me most all the time, but we trust each other, so its not like Tom keeping tabs on me at all hours.
No, this relationship with Brandon feels completely different than anything that came before. And besides his lack of a job, he's a fantastic guy. I should be thrilled, I should stop trying to push and push and push and find his breaking point, stop trying to figure out what I can do and still have him like me. Its a horrid little game that I'm not consciously playing.
Every time I'll get close to thinking, "I could be truly happy with this man," He does or says something obnoxious and I want to break his dumb, trusting heart.
I don't know what my problem is. I trust him implicitly, I know there is no other girl out there making his head turn. I know he will help me with anything and everything.The sex is crazy good.
I've been wrestling with this since we started dating. Do I need to be patient and let feelings grow? Or is Brandon just not right for me?
There is no challenge here. Brandon will do or say just about anything to make me happy. He's got me on a pedestal that is so damn high. When he annoys me, and I snap at him, he's calm. He calls me on my bullshit, calmly states his case why he doesn't deserve it. And he's always right. But he stays anyway. I'm being flawed and messy and tired and nowhere near my best self and he likes me anyway.
You're thinking, " That's how love works."
Sure. Probably.
But I don't love him.
The other day we hosted a little get together at my house. We both got drunk and as I was lying in bed trying to sleep, there is Brandon lying next to me talking about how he likes holding me, how he has to remind himself to say "I like you" instead of "I love you," how good I make him feel.
I literally had to tell this drunk to shut up. I was in no condition to have a heavy conversation and the whole topic annoys me anyway. I feel like we are dancing around the issue. He loves me, I'm not sure.
I don't have to wake up each morning and guess his mood or try and earn his affection for another day. Or any of the hoops I had to jump through with Jack. Brandon is with me most all the time, but we trust each other, so its not like Tom keeping tabs on me at all hours.
No, this relationship with Brandon feels completely different than anything that came before. And besides his lack of a job, he's a fantastic guy. I should be thrilled, I should stop trying to push and push and push and find his breaking point, stop trying to figure out what I can do and still have him like me. Its a horrid little game that I'm not consciously playing.
Every time I'll get close to thinking, "I could be truly happy with this man," He does or says something obnoxious and I want to break his dumb, trusting heart.
I don't know what my problem is. I trust him implicitly, I know there is no other girl out there making his head turn. I know he will help me with anything and everything.The sex is crazy good.
I've been wrestling with this since we started dating. Do I need to be patient and let feelings grow? Or is Brandon just not right for me?
Thursday, April 7, 2016
Brandon
I don't even know what to say.
There is a very nice man who loves me and wants to help me and take care of me and make me laugh.
And I kind of hate him.
He talks so so much. He asks me a question about a sensitive topic and then interrupts the answer 5 words in. He will ask me questions first thing in the morning, or when I'm trying to read, or when I'm already stressed. And I've been good and never snapped at him, but god, I want to.
He has no drive. He had a job for the first few weeks and then got fired. Its been over a month now. No interviews, no sending of the resume. By his own admission, he's not really trying to find a job and is "taking a break." Its very unattractive. I can't picture a future with him or this relationship going much further because he acts like a shiftless loser.
He goes too far too fast. Not sexually, but relationship-ily. He said I love you way too soon. He said he's interested in meeting the kid, when I'm ready. When he told his mom and brother about me, his mom offered to babysit so we could go out. NO. I can't decide how I feel about this guy, so I'm in no rush to add Kiddo to the mix. I can't even think about being in love until he gets a job and shows me that he's not another man-child. And again, I can't decide how I feel about him so I don't want to meet his family, let alone have his mom watch my kid.
There is a very nice man who loves me and wants to help me and take care of me and make me laugh.
And I kind of hate him.
He talks so so much. He asks me a question about a sensitive topic and then interrupts the answer 5 words in. He will ask me questions first thing in the morning, or when I'm trying to read, or when I'm already stressed. And I've been good and never snapped at him, but god, I want to.
He has no drive. He had a job for the first few weeks and then got fired. Its been over a month now. No interviews, no sending of the resume. By his own admission, he's not really trying to find a job and is "taking a break." Its very unattractive. I can't picture a future with him or this relationship going much further because he acts like a shiftless loser.
He goes too far too fast. Not sexually, but relationship-ily. He said I love you way too soon. He said he's interested in meeting the kid, when I'm ready. When he told his mom and brother about me, his mom offered to babysit so we could go out. NO. I can't decide how I feel about this guy, so I'm in no rush to add Kiddo to the mix. I can't even think about being in love until he gets a job and shows me that he's not another man-child. And again, I can't decide how I feel about him so I don't want to meet his family, let alone have his mom watch my kid.
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
Recent Happenings
We were having sex.
I fell out of bed and hit my head on the bedside table.
I had a big bump and a small cut. But anytime you hit your head and then your hand comes away with blood on it, is slightly panic inducing.
He patched me up, waited while I took a shower and made sure I was steady on my feet before he left.
So, that's what I've been up to.
I fell out of bed and hit my head on the bedside table.
I had a big bump and a small cut. But anytime you hit your head and then your hand comes away with blood on it, is slightly panic inducing.
He patched me up, waited while I took a shower and made sure I was steady on my feet before he left.
So, that's what I've been up to.
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
That Guy....I mean, Patrick
I'll set the scene. Its a Sunday morning, the kid and I are playing around and have plans at the zoo later. I'm trying to be busy at all time so as to not think about the ex-husband (I'll tell you later) and Jack. At exactly 8AM, I receive a text that says:
"Are you ever going to explain what happened?"
The number wasn't saved in my phone but I did some detective work (search on Facebook). It was this guy. (linkety link) What the hell? I hadn't heard from him in 6 months. I couldn't even remember what fake name I gave him until I looked at old blog entries.
Patrick. Just seeing the text, even before I knew who it was from, sent a jolt of anxiety through me. It felt accusatory. And yeah, I didn't end things as nicely as I could have. I told him I was sorry but I couldn't be in a relationship with him. And then I ghosted, which I know is not very mature, but we'd been on 3, maybe 4 dates, so I didn't feel like I owed him a lot.
It was just so bizarre that I told Kate about it. Kate is an amazing text ghostwriter. She gave me a text that I could copy any past to him but agreed that my initial thought, to just ignore him, was a fine plan.
Six months had gone by. We dated for a few weeks and I had completely forgotten about him except for a discussion with girlfriends about the worst sex we've ever had. Oops. Sorry Patrick. But not sorry enough to respond to your text and get tangled up in drama.
"Are you ever going to explain what happened?"
The number wasn't saved in my phone but I did some detective work (search on Facebook). It was this guy. (linkety link) What the hell? I hadn't heard from him in 6 months. I couldn't even remember what fake name I gave him until I looked at old blog entries.
Patrick. Just seeing the text, even before I knew who it was from, sent a jolt of anxiety through me. It felt accusatory. And yeah, I didn't end things as nicely as I could have. I told him I was sorry but I couldn't be in a relationship with him. And then I ghosted, which I know is not very mature, but we'd been on 3, maybe 4 dates, so I didn't feel like I owed him a lot.
It was just so bizarre that I told Kate about it. Kate is an amazing text ghostwriter. She gave me a text that I could copy any past to him but agreed that my initial thought, to just ignore him, was a fine plan.
Six months had gone by. We dated for a few weeks and I had completely forgotten about him except for a discussion with girlfriends about the worst sex we've ever had. Oops. Sorry Patrick. But not sorry enough to respond to your text and get tangled up in drama.
Friday, June 19, 2015
Slut-tacular!
Jack does stand up comedy as a hobby sporadically. After work on a weeknight, I picked up my friend Kate, had dinner and too many drinks and went to see Jack perform. It was callbacks from open mic night, so lots of comedians, no big names.
Jack was the opener which is a tough spot. I could tell he was nervous, but he did fine. I sat with Kate and one of her roommates, Shane. The night progressed and there were a bunch of comedians, most were funny, a few were pretty awful.
I got up to use the restroom and noticed Steve. Steve, the comedian that I was fucking for a while, Steve. Awesome.
I went to the restroom and completely planned to pretend like I didn't know Steve at all. I stood in the back with Jack waiting for a break in the action so I could go back to my seat. Then the host called Steve up to start his set. As Steve walked by, my drunk ass said to Jack, "Uh oh. I know him from Tinder."
"Does he know you from Tinder?" Asked Jack
"Yup."
I slinked back to my seat to inform Kate that two people I've fucked were performing tonight. She thought this was hilarious and no big deal. I was not thrilled with my life choices at that moment. The show went on and eventually ended. I had to go to the restroom again and while walking across the room, Steve goes, "Heyyyyy Natalie" in a way that I feel like was maybe supposed to make me embarrassed? I said hi, went pee, and then went to find Jack.
I have heard there are girls who will fuck their way through the comedy circuit. I am not that girl. I mean, I'm a slut, but the fact that I've been with two comedians is coincidence. That they would be performing at the same place at the same time, especially when Steve was supposed to be living in LA now, was just shit luck.
Jack, because he is a grown ass man and never flustered by anything I throw at him (not literally) didn't really care. The thing with Steve was short lived and I hadn't talked to him in months. Jack was so understanding and nonchalant about the whole thing. Which was great because I was so embarrassed at the time.
Now, it's just a weird thing that happened once. I can almost laugh about it, but not quite. Give me two drinks and another few months and I'll think this is hilarious.
Jack was the opener which is a tough spot. I could tell he was nervous, but he did fine. I sat with Kate and one of her roommates, Shane. The night progressed and there were a bunch of comedians, most were funny, a few were pretty awful.
I got up to use the restroom and noticed Steve. Steve, the comedian that I was fucking for a while, Steve. Awesome.
I went to the restroom and completely planned to pretend like I didn't know Steve at all. I stood in the back with Jack waiting for a break in the action so I could go back to my seat. Then the host called Steve up to start his set. As Steve walked by, my drunk ass said to Jack, "Uh oh. I know him from Tinder."
"Does he know you from Tinder?" Asked Jack
"Yup."
I slinked back to my seat to inform Kate that two people I've fucked were performing tonight. She thought this was hilarious and no big deal. I was not thrilled with my life choices at that moment. The show went on and eventually ended. I had to go to the restroom again and while walking across the room, Steve goes, "Heyyyyy Natalie" in a way that I feel like was maybe supposed to make me embarrassed? I said hi, went pee, and then went to find Jack.
I have heard there are girls who will fuck their way through the comedy circuit. I am not that girl. I mean, I'm a slut, but the fact that I've been with two comedians is coincidence. That they would be performing at the same place at the same time, especially when Steve was supposed to be living in LA now, was just shit luck.
Jack, because he is a grown ass man and never flustered by anything I throw at him (not literally) didn't really care. The thing with Steve was short lived and I hadn't talked to him in months. Jack was so understanding and nonchalant about the whole thing. Which was great because I was so embarrassed at the time.
Now, it's just a weird thing that happened once. I can almost laugh about it, but not quite. Give me two drinks and another few months and I'll think this is hilarious.
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Steve #4
So when I left off, I had spent the night with Steve. I liked him and he seemed nice enough. The next time I saw him, I went to his apartment. It was the last time we would see each other because he was going to be away for about two months. We had sex and then I was basically shown the door.
I felt cheap and stupid. I spent hours wandering around downtown. Stopped in a tattoo parlor and considered getting some ink. My mom happened to text me and ask what I was doing. I told her and she responded, "Nice girls don't have tattoos."
All I could think is, "Good thing I'm not a nice girl." But I couldn't commit to a tattoo. So I kept walking and then stopped in a Catholic church. I went to Catholic school from Kindergarten through high school. So it was a familiar setting. I thought I could clear my head, I tried to pray. Nothing felt right. So I walked a few more blocks and stopped in a bar. I claimed a seat and sat and drank and watched football for hours. Until I felt pathetic and decided to go home.
Steve and I texted a bit after he left. Sporadic and about nothing in particular. Sexting on one occasion. And then he ghosted. Meh.
Then one day in March, I get a text from him:
2:40AM
Tell me that's not a booty call. Seriously. Look me in the eyes and tell me what other kind of discussion that was meant to be.
I wasn't awake so I didn't respond until later the next day. Steve says he'll be back in town again in May, doubting I'll hear from him, but I don't really have much to say to him.
Sunday, April 5, 2015
This Could Be Something
I have a co-worker, Trish who I've become friends with. She's great and we talk daily about anything. Our personalities just click and I think she's awesome. For several months, at least since before December, Trish has been talking up this single friend of hers, Jack.
I stalked Jack's Facebook page. He is handsome, I'll admit. But I was still in the middle of my shit with Tom, and Jack had a long distance relationship that was falling apart. I was interested, but the timing felt wrong. In December, Trish had a birthday party that Jack and I attended. It was my first time meeting him instead of just hearing Trish talk him up to me. I think Trish must have talked me up to him too because it just felt forced. I felt like I was expected to talk to Jack and hit it off. I over thought everything and was shy.
Jack and I ended up talking for a total of 10 minutes about a Julie Andrews movie. I have no recollection of how that came to be the topic. I have no strong feelings about that particular movie. I was late for another party, so I cut our weird conversation short and left.
I was sure I'd blown it. Trish said Jack thought I was cute. But a few weeks later, after the Tom situation imploded and then resolved, I thought I was serious about Patrick. Trish said Jack had a new girlfriend too. Oh well, wasn't meant to be I figured.
After I decided that I couldn't stand Patrick or his needle dick, I was back on the hunt. Trish mentioned Jack was single again. I had in my head that Jack was a good guy, that there might be something there, but I wanted to get this one right. So I waited. I was still working on myself and knew I wasn't relationship ready yet.
Then one morning on the bus, idly swiping through Tinder, Jack's picture popped up. Swipe right!
Later that day, Jack popped up as one of my OKCupid matches. I thoroughly scoped his profile. Then later noticed that he had viewed mine. Finally, I summoned the courage to message him. Turns out, we both thought we blew our chance with each other because of the awkward Julie Andrews chat.
So after a bit of chatting, and Trish acting as a go-between, a barbeque was arranged for the upcoming weekend. And the barbeque is a story for another day....
I stalked Jack's Facebook page. He is handsome, I'll admit. But I was still in the middle of my shit with Tom, and Jack had a long distance relationship that was falling apart. I was interested, but the timing felt wrong. In December, Trish had a birthday party that Jack and I attended. It was my first time meeting him instead of just hearing Trish talk him up to me. I think Trish must have talked me up to him too because it just felt forced. I felt like I was expected to talk to Jack and hit it off. I over thought everything and was shy.
Jack and I ended up talking for a total of 10 minutes about a Julie Andrews movie. I have no recollection of how that came to be the topic. I have no strong feelings about that particular movie. I was late for another party, so I cut our weird conversation short and left.
I was sure I'd blown it. Trish said Jack thought I was cute. But a few weeks later, after the Tom situation imploded and then resolved, I thought I was serious about Patrick. Trish said Jack had a new girlfriend too. Oh well, wasn't meant to be I figured.
After I decided that I couldn't stand Patrick or his needle dick, I was back on the hunt. Trish mentioned Jack was single again. I had in my head that Jack was a good guy, that there might be something there, but I wanted to get this one right. So I waited. I was still working on myself and knew I wasn't relationship ready yet.
Then one morning on the bus, idly swiping through Tinder, Jack's picture popped up. Swipe right!
Later that day, Jack popped up as one of my OKCupid matches. I thoroughly scoped his profile. Then later noticed that he had viewed mine. Finally, I summoned the courage to message him. Turns out, we both thought we blew our chance with each other because of the awkward Julie Andrews chat.
So after a bit of chatting, and Trish acting as a go-between, a barbeque was arranged for the upcoming weekend. And the barbeque is a story for another day....
Saturday, April 4, 2015
Matthew- The End
Eh, we had a good run. Conversation was always a little hard to carry with him. So I just kind of faded away. I'd respond when he texted but that was about it. But even before I started The Fade, we had a free weekend and he didn't ask to get together. So I was "meh" about the whole situation.
Then came Matthew's birthday. Because I'm not a monster, I texted him to say Happy Birthday.
He replied instantly, "Thanks, I miss you."
Ohhhhh fuuuuuuuuck
I told him I was sorry. He said it seemed like I wasn't interested anymore. #accurate.
He started saying that he understood because he was 6 years older than me, with two kids, and a divorce, and he worked night that he wasn't a catch.
I spent about 5 minutes telling him that he is attractive, I don't see him having children as a negative, and his age isn't the problem. I told him also that I didn't want to invest myself in a situation where I was the rebound girl.
A relationship with Matt would never go anywhere. He had moved out of his house 6 months ago. As much as he claimed to be fine, I couldn't help but think about my mindset 6 months after my separation. I would also have insisted that I was fine and ready to move on, but now a year and a half removed from the situation, I see that I was still a wreck then. I feel so much stronger and more capable now, and maybe 18 months from now, I'll be even stronger.
Either way, Matt and I were not going to work. I feel bad, because he has a lot of issues to work through and because he asked if we could stay friends, which, sure fine. But after his little stunt of falling asleep and being hours late to a date, he didn't attempt to make plans with me, and never said anything future tense (Example: "We should see that movie" regarding a preview of something that opens in a month.) I don't think he was that into me either.
Then came Matthew's birthday. Because I'm not a monster, I texted him to say Happy Birthday.
He replied instantly, "Thanks, I miss you."
Ohhhhh fuuuuuuuuck
I told him I was sorry. He said it seemed like I wasn't interested anymore. #accurate.
He started saying that he understood because he was 6 years older than me, with two kids, and a divorce, and he worked night that he wasn't a catch.
I spent about 5 minutes telling him that he is attractive, I don't see him having children as a negative, and his age isn't the problem. I told him also that I didn't want to invest myself in a situation where I was the rebound girl.
A relationship with Matt would never go anywhere. He had moved out of his house 6 months ago. As much as he claimed to be fine, I couldn't help but think about my mindset 6 months after my separation. I would also have insisted that I was fine and ready to move on, but now a year and a half removed from the situation, I see that I was still a wreck then. I feel so much stronger and more capable now, and maybe 18 months from now, I'll be even stronger.
Either way, Matt and I were not going to work. I feel bad, because he has a lot of issues to work through and because he asked if we could stay friends, which, sure fine. But after his little stunt of falling asleep and being hours late to a date, he didn't attempt to make plans with me, and never said anything future tense (Example: "We should see that movie" regarding a preview of something that opens in a month.) I don't think he was that into me either.
Friday, April 3, 2015
Matthew #4
Matthew and I had plans. He was to come over to my neighborhood and we'd have dinner and whatever else. But there was radio silence. I knew Matt had been out drinking the night before. And not just, "drinking," but "DRINKING." So I assumed he had a hangover.
But I was done with work....nothing.
I rode the bus home....nothing
I sent a text or two, "we still on for tonight?".....nothing.
At this point, I'm pissed. I do not get stood up. I'm not having that shit.
I change my plans and resolve to go for a run instead. Go home, shower, put on sweats. I mentally prepare myself for the realization that this guy is blowing me off. I get irritated, not even mad anymore, and kind of let it go. I wasn't that invested in him, I wasn't making long range plans around him. Oh well, on to the next.
Then magically, Matt texts. He's apologetic and says that he was very hungover and sick and is very sorry that he didn't respond earlier but still wants to get together.
Ughhhhh. Fine. I agree to meet up with him, mentally making a note that this is his Strike 1. There is no Strike 2. I know, I'm harsh, but listen, I don't have room in my life to have a relationship with another fuck up. Matt says he'll pick me up in two hours.
TWO. HOURS. 2 hours, like 1......2....?
Fiiiiiiiiinnnnnne. I'm not please but I get dressed, do my hair and make up. Again. And then sit and wait and wait and wait for him.
Matt comes and picks me up. He opens the car door for me, he lets me pick the restaurant, he picks up the tab and waves away my offer to pay. But he's not very good company. He's still semi hungover and I'm just irritated with this whole situation, partly because of his behavior, but partly because I was hangry from waiting for Matt's late ass to meet me for dinner.
We're sitting, I'm trying to make conversation, when a group of 5 guys walk in. Matt knows them from college. They all say hi to each other, just pleasantries, and Matt introduces me as his, "Friend." Barf.
Matt didn't need to say I was his girlfriend, I'm not wanting that, or ready for it. But "friend."
Dude. Just say, "This is Natalie." Don't fucking friendzone me when you've seen me naked.
So after dinner, I have Matt drop me off, he walks me to the door, I give him a compulsory kiss and call it a night. I'm pretty much over this dude.
But I was done with work....nothing.
I rode the bus home....nothing
I sent a text or two, "we still on for tonight?".....nothing.
At this point, I'm pissed. I do not get stood up. I'm not having that shit.
I change my plans and resolve to go for a run instead. Go home, shower, put on sweats. I mentally prepare myself for the realization that this guy is blowing me off. I get irritated, not even mad anymore, and kind of let it go. I wasn't that invested in him, I wasn't making long range plans around him. Oh well, on to the next.
Then magically, Matt texts. He's apologetic and says that he was very hungover and sick and is very sorry that he didn't respond earlier but still wants to get together.
Ughhhhh. Fine. I agree to meet up with him, mentally making a note that this is his Strike 1. There is no Strike 2. I know, I'm harsh, but listen, I don't have room in my life to have a relationship with another fuck up. Matt says he'll pick me up in two hours.
TWO. HOURS. 2 hours, like 1......2....?
Fiiiiiiiiinnnnnne. I'm not please but I get dressed, do my hair and make up. Again. And then sit and wait and wait and wait for him.
Matt comes and picks me up. He opens the car door for me, he lets me pick the restaurant, he picks up the tab and waves away my offer to pay. But he's not very good company. He's still semi hungover and I'm just irritated with this whole situation, partly because of his behavior, but partly because I was hangry from waiting for Matt's late ass to meet me for dinner.
We're sitting, I'm trying to make conversation, when a group of 5 guys walk in. Matt knows them from college. They all say hi to each other, just pleasantries, and Matt introduces me as his, "Friend." Barf.
Matt didn't need to say I was his girlfriend, I'm not wanting that, or ready for it. But "friend."
Dude. Just say, "This is Natalie." Don't fucking friendzone me when you've seen me naked.
So after dinner, I have Matt drop me off, he walks me to the door, I give him a compulsory kiss and call it a night. I'm pretty much over this dude.
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Steve #3
Time travel with me back to the story of Steve, that I started telling in February. There's a reason I promise.
Steve and I met up in the afternoon. I had a hankering for pizza so we walked over to Rocco's and had a late lunch. We chatted as we ate. I had a girlfriend try to warn me about seeing a comedian, that they have something weird in them that drives them to get up in front of people night after night (Steve agreed), that they'll cheat when they're on the road or if you aren't adoring enough, (Steve disagreed). I think she had a bad time with an ex of hers that was a comedian, I don't think they're all the same.
After pizza, we walked back to Steve's building. We went up to the roof to enjoy the view. His building has the best view. Then we went back to his apartment and snuggled up on the couch to watch a comedy special. As we lay on the couch, our hands wandered. Steve's hands always seem to find my boobs. I like it though. Sometimes I get the vibe that a guy is just after sex and doesn't really see me as a person. And I maybe Steve just sees me as something casual, but at least the way he touches me makes me feel sexy, like he's being tender and caring.
So we went to his room and had sex three times that night. Afterwards we lay in bed, intertwined and sweaty, just talking. I really like the way he holds me, kisses the tip of my nose or my head. Later I dropped him at his show and went off to hang out with a friend. He told me I didn't have to drop him off but I insisted it was no big deal and said, half jokingly, "I'm trying to get you to like me." He said that he already did. My internal monologue was something like, "YAY!! YAY!! DON'T FUCK THIS UP."
We met up the next day and went to sushi. Then back to his apartment to cuddle and grope each other on the couch before moving to his room to have sex. Steve started to get ready to sleep so I asked if he wasn't going to walk me to my car. He asked me to stay the night. I have the hardest time sleeping, actually sleeping, with men. I'm so skittish and anxious that I usually can't sleep. Richard stayed over one time and I was up for hours. I stayed at Jay's place and I could sleep easily but then Jay told me I snored and likely had a deviated septum, so from then on I was too embarrassed to sleep with him.
But Steve made me feel safe. Made me feel warm and cozy. I was able to sleep pretty good. The next morning was Monday, I didn't have work, but my free parking would run out at 8. I got dressed and Steve took the elevator down with me. He seemed half asleep still, so we parted with a quick kiss so he could go back to bed.
I do like him. I'd like to see more of him but he's about to leave for two months. While we were laying in bed, I asked him if I'd see him when he was back in town. He told me of course, but also made reference that only a pretty shitty person would say they never wanted to see me again while we were still half naked and in bed together. Excellent point. So who knows what will happen.
Steve and I met up in the afternoon. I had a hankering for pizza so we walked over to Rocco's and had a late lunch. We chatted as we ate. I had a girlfriend try to warn me about seeing a comedian, that they have something weird in them that drives them to get up in front of people night after night (Steve agreed), that they'll cheat when they're on the road or if you aren't adoring enough, (Steve disagreed). I think she had a bad time with an ex of hers that was a comedian, I don't think they're all the same.
After pizza, we walked back to Steve's building. We went up to the roof to enjoy the view. His building has the best view. Then we went back to his apartment and snuggled up on the couch to watch a comedy special. As we lay on the couch, our hands wandered. Steve's hands always seem to find my boobs. I like it though. Sometimes I get the vibe that a guy is just after sex and doesn't really see me as a person. And I maybe Steve just sees me as something casual, but at least the way he touches me makes me feel sexy, like he's being tender and caring.
So we went to his room and had sex three times that night. Afterwards we lay in bed, intertwined and sweaty, just talking. I really like the way he holds me, kisses the tip of my nose or my head. Later I dropped him at his show and went off to hang out with a friend. He told me I didn't have to drop him off but I insisted it was no big deal and said, half jokingly, "I'm trying to get you to like me." He said that he already did. My internal monologue was something like, "YAY!! YAY!! DON'T FUCK THIS UP."
We met up the next day and went to sushi. Then back to his apartment to cuddle and grope each other on the couch before moving to his room to have sex. Steve started to get ready to sleep so I asked if he wasn't going to walk me to my car. He asked me to stay the night. I have the hardest time sleeping, actually sleeping, with men. I'm so skittish and anxious that I usually can't sleep. Richard stayed over one time and I was up for hours. I stayed at Jay's place and I could sleep easily but then Jay told me I snored and likely had a deviated septum, so from then on I was too embarrassed to sleep with him.
But Steve made me feel safe. Made me feel warm and cozy. I was able to sleep pretty good. The next morning was Monday, I didn't have work, but my free parking would run out at 8. I got dressed and Steve took the elevator down with me. He seemed half asleep still, so we parted with a quick kiss so he could go back to bed.
I do like him. I'd like to see more of him but he's about to leave for two months. While we were laying in bed, I asked him if I'd see him when he was back in town. He told me of course, but also made reference that only a pretty shitty person would say they never wanted to see me again while we were still half naked and in bed together. Excellent point. So who knows what will happen.
Saturday, March 21, 2015
Guess Who Came back?
Remember Sydney from October?
And a few days later...
If it's too small, the picture I sent him says "No does not mean convince me."
He wrote back ":-("
Bye boy.
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Don't
I've narrowed my harem to just two guys who I like. And neither of them have texted me in the past 9 hours. It's stupid, its clingy, and its driving me insane.
I'm at work so in theory, I should be busy. In reality, my phone is sitting right next to me and I'm checking it every time I return to my desk. After work I need to go to the bank and the grocery store and then I'll probably go to the gym to get some of this manic energy out.
The ball is in their court in both situations. I know I CANNOT text them because I don't want to look like a clinger. And because I know, if they like me, if its meant to be, it will be. And through the fog of crazy that is obstructing my brain, I know that one of them is probably asleep, and the other is at work and possibly busy.
But both of them have been active on social media. So then my brain spirals. They don't like me. What did I do wrong? Why does no one like me? I'm going to die alone.
You guys, I know I'm insane. That's why I'm typing this all here. I know that this is not the thought process of a secure, confident woman. And I'm trying very hard to have my shit together. I know that if these guys ghost, I'll be ok. I'll find someone else and just acknowledge that the large majority of dates don't work out.
If it's right it will work out, if its not right, I'll move on.
I'm at work so in theory, I should be busy. In reality, my phone is sitting right next to me and I'm checking it every time I return to my desk. After work I need to go to the bank and the grocery store and then I'll probably go to the gym to get some of this manic energy out.
The ball is in their court in both situations. I know I CANNOT text them because I don't want to look like a clinger. And because I know, if they like me, if its meant to be, it will be. And through the fog of crazy that is obstructing my brain, I know that one of them is probably asleep, and the other is at work and possibly busy.
But both of them have been active on social media. So then my brain spirals. They don't like me. What did I do wrong? Why does no one like me? I'm going to die alone.
You guys, I know I'm insane. That's why I'm typing this all here. I know that this is not the thought process of a secure, confident woman. And I'm trying very hard to have my shit together. I know that if these guys ghost, I'll be ok. I'll find someone else and just acknowledge that the large majority of dates don't work out.
If it's right it will work out, if its not right, I'll move on.
Monday, March 16, 2015
Matthew #3
Matt was my date to a birthday party this past weekend. I only knew the birthday girl and Matt only knew me. But he came and made friends with all the guys right away. Always the gentleman, he helped me to my seat and then went to the bar to get us drinks. He sat right by my side and we were holding hands or touching the whole night.
We left the birthday party and drove back to Matt's neighborhood. We stopped in at Matt's favorite bar to chat with his buddy the bartender. Not really sure of the point of this meeting, I was already drunk but happily snarfed a flatbread pizza. Matt didn't eat, had one or two beers and chatted with the bartender. Showing me off to his friend?
At this point, I will disclose that I have no memory of how we got from that bar to Matt's apartment. And neither did he because the next day he had trouble finding his car. Yikes.
Anyway, went back to his place and spent the night feeling cozy and safe in his arms. We slept in and lounged in bed until way too late and I had to rush to get home and take a shower before attending a prior commitment.
I think I really like him. Besides the recent divorce, no major red flags so I'll just keep moving forward slowly.
We left the birthday party and drove back to Matt's neighborhood. We stopped in at Matt's favorite bar to chat with his buddy the bartender. Not really sure of the point of this meeting, I was already drunk but happily snarfed a flatbread pizza. Matt didn't eat, had one or two beers and chatted with the bartender. Showing me off to his friend?
At this point, I will disclose that I have no memory of how we got from that bar to Matt's apartment. And neither did he because the next day he had trouble finding his car. Yikes.
Anyway, went back to his place and spent the night feeling cozy and safe in his arms. We slept in and lounged in bed until way too late and I had to rush to get home and take a shower before attending a prior commitment.
I think I really like him. Besides the recent divorce, no major red flags so I'll just keep moving forward slowly.
Friday, March 13, 2015
Matthew #2
On a random Wednesday after work, I drove over to Matt's place. He showed me his apartment. A studio, super super tiny, but clean and nice.
We walked a few blocks to a restaurant to have dinner and drinks. Matt held my hand and walked on the side of the sidewalk closest to traffic. I've NEVER had a man do that move. I'd heard of it, and thought it was a cute idea, but didn't think there were men who really did that. He opened all the doors and would pull out my chair for me. Super, super polite. I was so glad that I had the foresight to wear matching bra and panties because they were definitely coming off later.
Matt had no problem bullshitting with the waitress. I get it, he talks to people all the time for his job, but with me, he seemed...almost nervous? I asked him questions, just more of the standard "getting to know you" shtick that I've gotten pretty good at over the last year. After dinner, which he again wouldn't let me pay for, we walked for a bit but I wasn't quite ready to go home with Matt. We found a bar and sat and chatted a bit more. I don't know if it was the drinks or what, but he got more comfortable talking with me, and more affectionate.
I was quicker with my debit card, so I picked up that round of drinks. Then we walked back to Matt's shoebox of an apartment. We discussed watching a movie. I've been to high school, I knew this meant "watch a movie." I'm down. Because the is no couch, only a bed, I take off my boots and sit on the bed. Matt went to the bathroom for a minute and I took the opportunity to text my friend Hannah "I'm at his place. Am I slut if I hook up with him?" She's a good friend who responded, "Shut up, no you aren't! Or won't be!"
Matt joins me and picks some movie. It was some superhero movie and I also started to say that I didn't want to watch this shit, but I realized, neither of us was going to watch the movie anyway. As predicted, about 3 minutes into whatever shitty movie, Matt kisses me. And I kiss him.
Y'all. This man is talented. Definitely best ever "first time having sex with a new partner," possibly best ever. When we were finally tired, Matt gives me a backrub. Keeper. Such a fucking keeper.
I eventually got dressed and went home to sleep in my own bed. We keep texting over the next few days. Two days later, Matt came and met up with me on a lunch break to take me out.
He's so sweet and chivalrous. He's handsome, he has a good job. I actually really like him. I like being around him. I feel comfortable, like this is easy and he's someone I could see myself being with for a while. And there's the problem. I don't remember (or maybe I never knew) how to just date one person. To be ok with liking someone. To be ok opening myself and risk getting hurt.
We walked a few blocks to a restaurant to have dinner and drinks. Matt held my hand and walked on the side of the sidewalk closest to traffic. I've NEVER had a man do that move. I'd heard of it, and thought it was a cute idea, but didn't think there were men who really did that. He opened all the doors and would pull out my chair for me. Super, super polite. I was so glad that I had the foresight to wear matching bra and panties because they were definitely coming off later.
Matt had no problem bullshitting with the waitress. I get it, he talks to people all the time for his job, but with me, he seemed...almost nervous? I asked him questions, just more of the standard "getting to know you" shtick that I've gotten pretty good at over the last year. After dinner, which he again wouldn't let me pay for, we walked for a bit but I wasn't quite ready to go home with Matt. We found a bar and sat and chatted a bit more. I don't know if it was the drinks or what, but he got more comfortable talking with me, and more affectionate.
I was quicker with my debit card, so I picked up that round of drinks. Then we walked back to Matt's shoebox of an apartment. We discussed watching a movie. I've been to high school, I knew this meant "watch a movie." I'm down. Because the is no couch, only a bed, I take off my boots and sit on the bed. Matt went to the bathroom for a minute and I took the opportunity to text my friend Hannah "I'm at his place. Am I slut if I hook up with him?" She's a good friend who responded, "Shut up, no you aren't! Or won't be!"
Matt joins me and picks some movie. It was some superhero movie and I also started to say that I didn't want to watch this shit, but I realized, neither of us was going to watch the movie anyway. As predicted, about 3 minutes into whatever shitty movie, Matt kisses me. And I kiss him.
Y'all. This man is talented. Definitely best ever "first time having sex with a new partner," possibly best ever. When we were finally tired, Matt gives me a backrub. Keeper. Such a fucking keeper.
I eventually got dressed and went home to sleep in my own bed. We keep texting over the next few days. Two days later, Matt came and met up with me on a lunch break to take me out.
He's so sweet and chivalrous. He's handsome, he has a good job. I actually really like him. I like being around him. I feel comfortable, like this is easy and he's someone I could see myself being with for a while. And there's the problem. I don't remember (or maybe I never knew) how to just date one person. To be ok with liking someone. To be ok opening myself and risk getting hurt.
Monday, March 9, 2015
Matthew
Matthew and I met on Tinder. He's a single dad with two sons, recently divorced and a police officer. I obviously have a thing for men in uniform. We texted quite a bit in the days leading up to our first date. I already liked him.
We met up on a Saturday night at a restaurant near my house. Matt had on a button up shirt which is effort for a guy, I noticed and appreciated it. He greeted me with a hug and we went in to have dinner. Dinner went well, We chatted over entrees and two rounds of cocktails. Matt's had a very interesting life and we traded stories. There were a few lulls in the conversation, but nothing too uncomfortable.
Little things were adding up. Matt wouldn't hear of me chipping in for the bill. He'd obviously put effort into dressing up and mentioned that he'd gotten a haircut earlier in the day. He opened every door I encountered. I was impressed.
After dinner, we weren't ready for the night to end. So I walked with Matt down the street to one of my favorite, secret bars. Turns out, it wasn't so secret on Saturday nights! We ordered a round of drinks and sat in a corner booth, chatting more, but it was too noisy to hear much. Matt paid for the drinks and we walked around the corner to a different bar, but it was just as full. We ended up driving to my divey-est bar, which was also crowded. We got some drinks and found a spot to stand out of the way of the people playing darts and pool. Matt and I chatted some more and watched people sing karaoke with varying levels of success.
Finally two chairs at the bar opened up, so we grabbed them to sit and keep talking. Matt convinced me to sing a song, which I did, but he never sang. Finally it was getting late and it was time for Matt to take me back to my car. As was becoming the norm, Matt opened the truck door for me and helped me in. He held my hand from the bar to my car. He got out of the truck to walk me from his truck, to my adjacently parked car. He gave me a hug and made his first faux pas of the night by asking, "Can I kiss you?"
[Sidebar: Men, please just go for it. Read the room. If she's putting out the vibe, just kiss her.]
"You better, " I said, which was fairly slick of me for how tipsy and tired I was. We spent a good 15 minutes just kissing and hugging. He smelled so good. And I really wanted to take him back to my place and fuck him. But I didn't. Because I'm a lady, goddamit.
Matt and I have continued texting and he's continually sweet and interesting and I can't wait to see him again tomorrow.
We met up on a Saturday night at a restaurant near my house. Matt had on a button up shirt which is effort for a guy, I noticed and appreciated it. He greeted me with a hug and we went in to have dinner. Dinner went well, We chatted over entrees and two rounds of cocktails. Matt's had a very interesting life and we traded stories. There were a few lulls in the conversation, but nothing too uncomfortable.
Little things were adding up. Matt wouldn't hear of me chipping in for the bill. He'd obviously put effort into dressing up and mentioned that he'd gotten a haircut earlier in the day. He opened every door I encountered. I was impressed.
After dinner, we weren't ready for the night to end. So I walked with Matt down the street to one of my favorite, secret bars. Turns out, it wasn't so secret on Saturday nights! We ordered a round of drinks and sat in a corner booth, chatting more, but it was too noisy to hear much. Matt paid for the drinks and we walked around the corner to a different bar, but it was just as full. We ended up driving to my divey-est bar, which was also crowded. We got some drinks and found a spot to stand out of the way of the people playing darts and pool. Matt and I chatted some more and watched people sing karaoke with varying levels of success.
Finally two chairs at the bar opened up, so we grabbed them to sit and keep talking. Matt convinced me to sing a song, which I did, but he never sang. Finally it was getting late and it was time for Matt to take me back to my car. As was becoming the norm, Matt opened the truck door for me and helped me in. He held my hand from the bar to my car. He got out of the truck to walk me from his truck, to my adjacently parked car. He gave me a hug and made his first faux pas of the night by asking, "Can I kiss you?"
[Sidebar: Men, please just go for it. Read the room. If she's putting out the vibe, just kiss her.]
"You better, " I said, which was fairly slick of me for how tipsy and tired I was. We spent a good 15 minutes just kissing and hugging. He smelled so good. And I really wanted to take him back to my place and fuck him. But I didn't. Because I'm a lady, goddamit.
Matt and I have continued texting and he's continually sweet and interesting and I can't wait to see him again tomorrow.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Brady #2
Brady and I met up again for dinner. It was supposed to be dinner and a movie, but I double booked myself and had happy hour (and a burger) with Jessica from work and then drinks (and more dinner) with Brady.
He's nice enough. We joked around and didn't lack for things to talk about all through dinner. But as I was telling Jessica, I feel like there is a HUGE divide because we grew up so differently. I'll be blunt and say that it should like out of his whole family (mom, dad, and 3 sisters) Brady is the only one who even marginally has his shit together. If he and I keep dating, if I meet his family, they are going to think I'm a snob and a brat. And maybe I am. Whatever. I'm just a bit concerned. And neither of us can help the way we were raised.
After dinner we went back to his place. Sat on the couch with his dog and watched Netflix. We weren't touching, not holding hands, nothing. It was a weeknight for me so I didn't stay very late. Brady walked me to my car and we kissed a bit. Not bad but definitely not amazing.
A week or so later, Brady and I met up on a Sunday morning. We went to brunch and then the zoo. We walked over the whole place, making snarky sarcastic commentary the whole time. I linked arms with him once. And maybe 3 times, Brady would put his hand on the small of my back to steer me through the crowds. It didn't feel affectionate.
After the zoo, we hung out at Brady's place while his roommate make dinner. We chatted a bit. Brady walked me to my car. We kissed a bit. I left. I think I'm done here. Our interactions seem to be more friendly than romantic. I can't tell if Brady just has no game or he's not interested in me. I've been pulling back, starting to try and phase him out.
Brady is a fairly nice guy but the spark isn't there. Sorry.
He's nice enough. We joked around and didn't lack for things to talk about all through dinner. But as I was telling Jessica, I feel like there is a HUGE divide because we grew up so differently. I'll be blunt and say that it should like out of his whole family (mom, dad, and 3 sisters) Brady is the only one who even marginally has his shit together. If he and I keep dating, if I meet his family, they are going to think I'm a snob and a brat. And maybe I am. Whatever. I'm just a bit concerned. And neither of us can help the way we were raised.
After dinner we went back to his place. Sat on the couch with his dog and watched Netflix. We weren't touching, not holding hands, nothing. It was a weeknight for me so I didn't stay very late. Brady walked me to my car and we kissed a bit. Not bad but definitely not amazing.
A week or so later, Brady and I met up on a Sunday morning. We went to brunch and then the zoo. We walked over the whole place, making snarky sarcastic commentary the whole time. I linked arms with him once. And maybe 3 times, Brady would put his hand on the small of my back to steer me through the crowds. It didn't feel affectionate.
After the zoo, we hung out at Brady's place while his roommate make dinner. We chatted a bit. Brady walked me to my car. We kissed a bit. I left. I think I'm done here. Our interactions seem to be more friendly than romantic. I can't tell if Brady just has no game or he's not interested in me. I've been pulling back, starting to try and phase him out.
Brady is a fairly nice guy but the spark isn't there. Sorry.
Monday, March 2, 2015
Brady
Brady and I met online, as per usual for me. Right away, we had similar taste in tv shows, he had a sense of humor and seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me. We texted for about a week before our schedules aligned and we could meet up for a date. I really enjoyed texting with Brady. He seemed to have an active enough social life, a real job, and he was unfailingly respectful. In a weeks worth of texts, he never hinted around asking for pictures, he never made innuendo.
Brady and I met up on a Friday night, it turned out to be the day before Valentine's Day. We met at a bar in the Wallingford neighborhood. He had a small box of chocolates for me because "its almost Valentine's Day." I thought that was so sweet and thoughtful because I was fully intending to ignore Valentine's Day, at least with Brady, I had awesome Galentine's Day plans with my girlfriends, but that's a story for another day.
We chatted through two rounds of cocktails and truffle popcorn. I wasn't immediately attracted to Brady, his voice seemed a little high at first. There wasn't an instant click. But the more we talked, the more I was intrigued. I wanted to know more about him, I wanted to listen to him. But in a surprise twist, Brady was one of the first dates in a long time who asked me questions, thoughtful real questions, deeper than just "what's your favorite color?"
We moved from the first bar, to another down the street and ordered dinner. Still talking and laughing and having fun. After dinner, we drove to his place, parked our cars and walked 3 blocks or so, to a divey Chinese restaurant that has karaoke 7 nights a week. Over two more rounds of drinks and watching others sing karaoke, with varying degrees of success, Brady and I each took a turn at singing. I went first, sang a Weezer song, nothing fancy. Brady sang "Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon. I never liked that band. I never liked that song. But something about Brady singing it, was irresistible.
Yep, I decided, I like this man. We decided to call it a night and walked back to his place. Brady got his dog and we went for a quick walk around the block. With a pause to kiss. With his dog safely back in the condo, Brady walked me to my car. We kissed some more. But nothing further. He didn't try to press his luck, and I liked that about him.
It started to rain, so we said our goodbyes and Brady asked me to let him know that I got home safe. I love when they do that. Its a small thing, but it means a lot to me. Once my car was parked, I let Brady know I was home. "Good! Now come back over, I wanna make out :-)"
Anyways, we have a second date set up for tomorrow. I really like him. He seems different from my other experiences with men. I'm cautiously optimistic.
Brady and I met up on a Friday night, it turned out to be the day before Valentine's Day. We met at a bar in the Wallingford neighborhood. He had a small box of chocolates for me because "its almost Valentine's Day." I thought that was so sweet and thoughtful because I was fully intending to ignore Valentine's Day, at least with Brady, I had awesome Galentine's Day plans with my girlfriends, but that's a story for another day.
We chatted through two rounds of cocktails and truffle popcorn. I wasn't immediately attracted to Brady, his voice seemed a little high at first. There wasn't an instant click. But the more we talked, the more I was intrigued. I wanted to know more about him, I wanted to listen to him. But in a surprise twist, Brady was one of the first dates in a long time who asked me questions, thoughtful real questions, deeper than just "what's your favorite color?"
We moved from the first bar, to another down the street and ordered dinner. Still talking and laughing and having fun. After dinner, we drove to his place, parked our cars and walked 3 blocks or so, to a divey Chinese restaurant that has karaoke 7 nights a week. Over two more rounds of drinks and watching others sing karaoke, with varying degrees of success, Brady and I each took a turn at singing. I went first, sang a Weezer song, nothing fancy. Brady sang "Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon. I never liked that band. I never liked that song. But something about Brady singing it, was irresistible.
Yep, I decided, I like this man. We decided to call it a night and walked back to his place. Brady got his dog and we went for a quick walk around the block. With a pause to kiss. With his dog safely back in the condo, Brady walked me to my car. We kissed some more. But nothing further. He didn't try to press his luck, and I liked that about him.
It started to rain, so we said our goodbyes and Brady asked me to let him know that I got home safe. I love when they do that. Its a small thing, but it means a lot to me. Once my car was parked, I let Brady know I was home. "Good! Now come back over, I wanna make out :-)"
Anyways, we have a second date set up for tomorrow. I really like him. He seems different from my other experiences with men. I'm cautiously optimistic.
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