Patrick #3

I just can't. I can't be with this guy any more. I'm not into him. I tried, you guys.

He came over and we talked for 3 hours and really got to know each other. And it was nice and cozy, all cuddled up and talking. And then there was the kissing which is so very good. And then there was the sexing which is not good and will never be good.

Real Talk: Patrick has a needle dick. The length is adequate but there's no girth to it. I didn't get a good look at it the first time because Patrick went rogue and didn't use a condom. Which explains how he accidentally got his last girlfriend pregnant. This time he literally shoved his dick in my face and I very clearly remember thinking, "This is it?" This is it. I can work with bad technique, I can't change his penis. And I'm fully aware that I'm shallow for thinking this, let alone typing it and sharing it with all y'all.

I can see five years into the future with Patrick. I'd be a bored housewife. With a nice car and huge diamond, but I would be sexually frustrated and sleep with the kid's soccer coach or something.

And he's irritating. I'm sarcastic and self deprecating but his jokes straight up piss me off. I said something ditzy the other day and Patrick said, "Good thing you're pretty, because you aren't that smart." Oh really? Interesting.

Patrick is a dad. Cool, great, whatever. But I feel like he tries to "dad" me. We were crossing the street and at an intersection he pulled me back from the curb because he thought I was too close. When I expressed an interest in skydiving someday, he told me that parents shouldn't skydive, its just to risky. *eyeroll*

When I said I was going out drinking with co-workers, he told me to be safe. I know, I know. He's trying to be protective and show he cares about me. I don't care. It feels infantilizing.  My own parents irritate me when they talk to me like that, I don't need another parent telling me stupid things I already know. When I told him I didn't need that kind of help, he told me to just get used to it.

This is the other thing that pissed me off. When I tell him I don't like some way he speaks to me, which has only happened twice, he tells me basically, "That's how I talk and I won't change. You'll just have to get used to it." No, no I think I don't have to get used to it.

I think I'll just be single. I've already deactivated all my online dating profiles because I was so sprung on Patrick. The very thought of reactivating them is exhausting. So I think  I need to do like I said I would at New Years and just call off the Man Hunt. Just be. By myself, And try it on for size.

And if I need a dick that's up to the task, I'm pretty sure I can find one.