Matthew #2

On a random Wednesday after work, I drove over to Matt's place. He showed me his apartment. A studio, super super tiny, but clean and nice.

We walked a few blocks to a restaurant to have dinner and drinks. Matt held my hand and walked on the side of the sidewalk closest to traffic. I've NEVER had a man do that move. I'd heard of it, and thought it was a cute idea, but didn't think there were men who really did that. He opened all the doors and would pull out my chair for me. Super, super polite. I was so glad that I had the foresight to wear matching bra and panties because they were definitely coming off later.

Matt had no problem bullshitting with the waitress. I get it, he talks to people all the time for his job, but with me, he seemed...almost nervous? I asked him questions, just more of the standard "getting to know you" shtick that I've gotten pretty good at over the last year. After dinner, which he again wouldn't let me pay for, we walked for a bit but I wasn't quite ready to go home with Matt. We found a bar and sat and chatted a bit more. I don't know if it was the drinks or what, but he got more comfortable talking with me, and more affectionate.

I was quicker with my debit card, so I picked up that round of drinks. Then we walked back to Matt's shoebox of an apartment. We discussed watching a movie. I've been to high school, I knew this meant "watch a movie." I'm down. Because the is no couch, only a bed, I take off my boots and sit on the bed. Matt went to the bathroom for a minute and I took the opportunity to text my friend Hannah "I'm at his place. Am I slut if I hook up with him?" She's a good friend who responded, "Shut up, no you aren't! Or won't be!"

Matt joins me and picks some movie. It was some superhero movie and I also started to say that I didn't want to watch this shit, but I realized, neither of us was going to watch the movie anyway.  As predicted, about 3 minutes into whatever shitty movie, Matt kisses me.  And I kiss him.

Y'all. This man is talented. Definitely best ever "first time having sex with a new partner," possibly best ever. When we were finally tired, Matt gives me a backrub. Keeper. Such a fucking keeper.

I eventually got dressed and went home to sleep in my own bed. We keep texting over the next few days. Two days later, Matt came and met up with me on a lunch break to take me out.

He's so sweet and chivalrous. He's handsome, he has a good job. I actually really like him. I like being around him. I feel comfortable, like this is easy and he's someone I could see myself being with for a while. And there's the problem. I don't remember (or maybe I never knew) how to just date one person. To be ok with liking someone. To be ok opening myself and risk getting hurt.