Alone

"My alone feels so good, I'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude."

I don't know if you can call it a hobby, but I have a notebook. Whenever I find a quote I like, I write in my notebook. I came across the quote above and I have to get back to living that way. I feel like I had that for a few months. I was truckin along with work and being a decent mom. I planned my trip to DC and I was doing things for me.

Somewhere I hit a speed bump. I don't really know what it was, what went wrong. But I know I got clingy and needy and anxious. I hate this. I can see and feel myself doing the wrong thing. Drinking too much. Going out, having erratic sleep, just generally being reckless because I don't care what happens to me. And I can't blame it all on Jack. I have problems with my parents and my ex husband too.

I spent today running a few errands and relaxing. Being happy and content in my own skin, in my own house. Its a skill I need to cultivate more. I need to make a habit of finding healthier ways to fill my time.

I don't know what the point of this is. I just know that when something of note happens, my first instincts are to 1) drink and/or 2) write about it. So I find myself writing. I'll send this out into the void that is the internet. Maybe I think that just writing this out will help me keep myself accountable.