A Complication I Don't Need

John keeps being around. We took the Kid on an outing. The Kid is always around. I have no need to hang out with John, just the two of us.

Even though I told John I don't want a relationship with him, even though I told him I just want to be friends, he's pushing for more. Again. Not respecting my boundaries and thinking he can change my mind. John has known me for years, but he doesn't really know me anymore. He doesn't know the bullshit I've been through with other men. I'm stronger now. "No" doesn't mean "convince me."

I'm still very hung up on Jack. I want to make things work with Jack. This might be impossible, and it might be a horrible idea, but right now, it's where my thoughts are focused.

I don't want to hurt John, but if he won't leave me alone and stop pushing for more, I'll have to get more direct and blunt. It probably needs to happen. I think John needs the closure. I've been kind and accommodating in the past because he's going to be in my life no matter what, so I wanted us to communicate amicably about Kiddo. I'm worried that if I tell him, "We are never ever getting back together" (Thanks, T Swift) that he'll lash out, or try to make my life more difficult in some way.