Wednesday, December 3, 2014

The One that Got Away

I got this message from a guy the other day and crowd sourced a response from my girlfriends. My girlfriends are the fucking best. A selection of our responses:

  1. Can I fist bump your face?
  2. I have a strap on, so maybe your tight butt would be getting pumped. I hope you're not allergic to mayo, that's my pegging lube of choice
  3. I like your 1994 Madonna on tour headset
  4. Do big hemorrhoids bother you?
  5. Is it ok if my cat Mr Fluffy Whiskers watches
  6. You look like my brother. That's a big turn on!
  7. If I can shave your mullet
  8. I've been so constipated lately that might help me shit. 
  9. It depends if you're willing to wear the chicken costume
  10. Have you heard of Amway?
  11. Do you have herpes? Do you want to?
  12. No thanks Napoleon Dynamite
  13. Your mullet really has my panties dripping
  14. Those are the most romantic words I've ever heard! I can't wait for all the first date buttsex we're going to have. And the beautiful buttsex babies we're going to have, who will have my looks, but your lack of social skills.
I picked my favorite two and sent them to him. He read my message but never responded. I guess he'll be the one that got away. I will pine for thee, buttman.

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