Monday, December 8, 2014

Goodbye Tom

Its over. I think and hope its really over. I feel a small sense of loss, but I pretty much knew this was coming for the last 4 months.

I also feel lighter. I don't have to account for my every movement. If he didn't know where I was, he would either send me a text to the effect of, "I miss you but I don't want to bother you." Which, intentional or not would make me feel guilty. or he would say nothing but later make me feel guilty for being busy.

For the last two weeks, my mom has been in town. We don't live in the same state but my parents have a condo 5 minutes from my house where they stay when they come to visit. My mom is my favorite adult in the world (my kiddo is my favorite non-adult) and she has health issues that make her future uncertain. When she is in town, I try to soak her up because I know our time is finite.

So during our last exchange, Tom is mad that I'm not texting him from the time I leave work until the time I go to bed. I'm not going to be sorry that I'm spending time with my mom and not pausing my conversation or project with her to text this jerk. Tom's dad has health problems and has been slowly declining. I would never presume to demand that Tom interrupt his time with his dad to have some inane text conversation.

We'd been going back and forth for weeks. Are we together? Are we not? My parents hated this guy. My friends and basically anyone I talked to, thought he was a bad idea. It was becoming a universal opinion that Tom was emotionally abusing me. It took me a long time to come around to that. First, because I was ignorant that emotional abuse was even a thing. Second, because I really thought he loved me. I really thought he was The One.

Friday while I was at work, we texted back and forth. Nothing much. We made plans to FaceTime that night once the kids were in bed. After work I spent the evening with my parents, grandma and kiddo. I went home and got kiddo into bed. Tom said something about being up at his parent's house which meant we would not be FaceTiming because the reception up there isn't great. Oh well. I sent him a text and went on with my life.

Saturday, I woke up and there was nothing from Tom. Oh well. He's with his kids and his parents and I had a busy day ahead of me. Saturday night, I'm at a hockey game/birthday party for my mom with about 15 people. I'm having fun and enjoying spending time with a bunch of my favorite people when I notice Tom has texted me, "goodbye."  I respond, "?? ok."

He launches into a tirade that he's been texting me and that he has some issue and he wanted to talk to me and I didn't respond and I clearly don't give two shit about him, etc. etc. I send him a screenshot of my phone showing that between my message to him on Friday, and him saying "goodbye" on Saturday, I've received nothing else. I explain to him that I have no idea what he's talking about. I put my phone away and enjoy the evening.

Sunday evening, once everything else is taken care of, I decide to rip this band aid off once and for all. I text him and basically tell him that he is unbelievable. That I received no texts from him all day Saturday and that its very telling that when he received nothing from me, he didn't try to call, he didn't try to email, he didn't text from his other phone, he didn't worry about me, or do any number of other rational things. He jumped to anger. He responds that I don't text enough from the time I get off work until bedtime. I tell him that my mom has been in town and I've been with her, but in my head I'm frustrated that I have to account for my whereabouts. I'm not on house arrest. I'm not required to give anyone a running commentary of my day.

The conversation deteriorates until I realize Tom has no intention to apologize for the Saturday freak out. I tell him that this isn't working for me. I'm tired of being told I'm rude, that I ignore him, that I'm only giving this relationship 30%. He tells me it doesn't work for him either. Tom tells me he hopes, "whoever has my attention treats me right."

"You mean my kid and my parents? Yeah, I think they will."

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