Jason

I'm going to call this guy Jason because that is a bland and boring name and this was a bland and boring guy. Jason and I met on OKCupid and Tinder. He worked just blocks away from me so we met up for a lunch date.

We met up for sandwiches. He was tall and handsome and I could totally see this working. He had a slight Boston accent but he was mostly quiet and I had to carry the conversation. After lunch we went our separate ways and Jason said if I was bored during the upcoming weekend, I should let him know.

I bring this to my girlfriends and we discuss and analyze. What the fuck? If I'm bored, call? Do you want a second date or what?

So I set up a date(?) for Saturday. I met him at his place and we went to a pizza place around the corner and had wine. We split the bill. Ugh.

We went back to his place and took his dog on a quick walk. Then we went back to his place and watched TV. Ninja Warrior I think. Its becoming pretty clear that this is not a date. Or at least not by my definition.

Finally finally finally he makes his move and kisses me. He's a good, fun kisser. He asks if we could/should move to his bedroom. Technically this is our second date(?) so sure. We go to his room and are naked pretty quickly. He lights candles. Puzzling. We have sex. Twice. It was...not great. Like, he got his and was like, "Ok we can stop now." Oh really, cause I didn't get anything out of that so...

He walked me to my car and told me good night. At least he's polite. We continue texting for the next two weeks, mostly talking trash about sports teams. I ask if we are ever meeting up again. So we agree to meet for lunch that week.

We go to a salad bar and pay for our own lunches. He asks thoughtful questions that show he was paying attention when I talked. His accent is still adorable. I offer to show him a hidden bookstore that he'd heard of but couldn't find. Its a fine lunch but doesn't really feel like a date. I bought my own lunch, he doesn't try to hold my hand. Its just stilted. As he walks me to my building, he tells me again that if I find myself without plans that weekend, to call him.

I go back to my desk and discuss this with the girls. Is he not interested? What fuckery is this "call if you're bored" business?  Exhausted with over analyzing it all, I text Jason and find a nice way ask, "what the fuck?"  Jason responds that he just got out of a relationship A YEAR AGO and isn't really looking for anything serious. I decide that his milquetoast demeanor, bad sex, and mixed signals don't outweigh how cute he and his accent are. Next.