The End of Tom

Tom texted me to tell me what a liar and shitty person I am. To call me a hoe and tell me to go fuck myself. To tell me to never contact him again or I'd "get mine." The last one, the semi-threatening text, he sent on his government issued duty phone. No one ever claimed he was a genius.

He didn't really rattle me. I was emotional, but everything I said in my 5 voicemails (I let the crazy get the best of me) was true and not a threat. Tom does have jacked up teeth. He does have a weird ass-acne patch that is pretty revolting. He is going bald, despite his best attempts to comb his hair different ways. He did make some pretty sloppy lies. He doesn't really have any male friends, or friends at all really. He does jump from one relationship to the next with very little time in between. (You could say the same about me, but I realize it and its a work in progress). It is a fact that he has nothing civil to say about any ex, or his sister, or his mom really. Its telling.

So yeah, not my finest moment, but its things I always thought in the back of my mind, but pushed aside because love is looking past other people's flaws. But since he played a week long game to toy with me, I figured I'd give him some real talk.

He has a mean streak. Tom is an emotional abuser. I know this is a fact and I kept ignoring it because when I would be good, he would treat me like I was his world. But if I wasn't available at his beck and call, if I was feisty or wanted to spend time with friends, or my parents, or my son, he would make it A Thing. It was never really love.

I was fresh off a divorce and thought he was different. He wasn't. Tom filled a need that I had at the time. Once I got my feet under me, once my parents saw right through him, I should have known better. But I did what I always do and tried to make the relationship work because I thought (and Tom encouraged the thought) that no one would ever care about me like he did.

So after the mean voicemails, a handful of texts between us and one last nasty phone call, I cried all the tears I have left to cry about Tom. I made it so the 10 or so songs that were special to us won't sync to my phone. I blocked and deleted him from my phone and all forms of social media. I deleted every picture of us or him from my computer. I gathered up his sweatshirt, a shirt he gave me, souvenirs from our vacation, a teddy bear from last Valentines Day (FYI I don't like stuffed animals) and a framed voice wavelength of him saying "I love you" and threw it all directly in the garbage can. It felt so damn good.

I lost close to a year of my life to this bullshit. But the good thing was, I was mostly over him to start. Sure, I let him back into my feelings in the last week and I was mad that he got the best of me. But my karma was due for a hit. And I wasn't in love with him anymore.

I wallowed for most of a day but by the next morning I woke up feeling lighter. I keep having thoughts about what I could have done different or should have done better. And I could have been a better girlfriend, no doubt so I'll take those lessons and apply them to the next relationship I have, whenever that may be. But I also couldn't have made this one work. My parents saw right through him and having parental approval is important to me. Also important is someone that won't try to control my every moment, won't try to break me down so I don't have the confidence to leave, won't try to get me to ignore my kid, my job, my family and my friends.

Onwards and upwards!