What Remains- (Should come before the "I have no willpower entry")

I haven't spoken to Tom in a month. Immediately after cutting him out of my life, I started sleeping better. I opened up to friends and strengthened relationships with the awesome women around me. I felt like an adult for possibly the first time ever. I can do anything I want and I'm free from him monitoring my every moment.

And yet

Once in a while, Tom creeps into my thoughts. My work-bestie Jessica is dating a man who, for a variety of reasons, reminds me of Tom and doesn't seem like a great idea for her. Jessica likes this new guy and I hope I'm wrong and just biased, but he reminds me of Tom so damn much.

So on the one hand, I'm worried for Jessica, but on the other, I see how happy she is with him. And it reminds me how happy I was with Tom. And then I miss him.
When I have a bad date, I miss Tom.
When I want to talk to someone who understands how hard parenting is, I miss Tom.
When I want hear a song that we danced to, I miss Tom.
When I see a preview for a movie we would have liked, I miss Tom.

There's more but you get the point. I know my life is better without him. I know I'm healthier without him. I know our relationship was irrevocably destroyed at the end. There will be no patching it up.  But he was my whole life for so long that its taking me longer to get over him.

When I really think about it, of course I still miss him. Tom insinuated himself into every part of my life. Movies, tv, songs, books, places, meals, phrases, stupid jokes, are going to keep triggering memories and a sense of loss for a while.

Of course, as I do whenever I'm in need of counsel, I turn to Taylor Swift, my messiah. Quoth Taylor:

10 months sober, I must admit 

Just because you're clean don't mean you miss it

10 months older I won't give in

Now that I'm clean I'm never gonna risk it

 Of course, I'm only one month clean, not ten, like Her Highness Taylor. But She's right. I'm clean but I miss Tom. I'm clean and I can't go back to him. It will pass.