My Poor Mother

My parents worry about me, bless their hearts. They worry about me living alone. They don't like me to stay out too late. They don't like me meeting up with strange men from the internet. I think if they could have someone chaperone me, they would.  So as much as possible, I don't tell them what I'm up to. Gives them less to worry about right? I don't discuss dating with my dad. At all. Ever. I'd happily let him believe I'm still a good catholic girl, and a virgin, but since I have a 3 year old, the jig is up.

I talk to my mom if there is anything of note to report. Multiple dates with the same guy, anything especially cringe worthy or sweet. But most often when I tell her about a date, she tries to remember what guy I'm talking about. She never guesses right. In her defense, I've been going through men very quickly. I'll identify them to her by their profession, "the lawyer, the finance guy, the cop, no, not him, the other cop."

So I don't talk to her about my dating habits a whole lot. But every time we do talk, she says, "I need a scorecard to keep track."
First of all, that's kind of rude
Second of all, she's totally right.

Last time I told my mom I was going on a date, she texted me to say, "Have fun, don't drink or swear too much and act like a lady."
Jesus. Its like this woman doesn't know me at all. If I don't drink, how fun will it be? I swear all the fucking time, so any guy I'm interested in might as well know that up-fucking-front. And I'm sort of ladylike....I mean if you take me to meet your parents, I'll act right. Probably.

Also on one occasion, I told my mom about a particularly drunken first date I had. She scolded me for getting drunk with a stranger I met on the internet.  I decided she didn't need to know that he spent the night...

After a successful date, Mom always wants to know what he does for a living, where he's from, and how tall he is. If I answer those, she can come up with another set of questions, and another, and another. I know she means well and is just trying to see if these are suitable guys but its exhausting. I might as well record the dates and send her a transcript.

I keep my mom in the dark about the men rotating through my life for a few reasons, but mainly because I don't see the point in getting her up to speed on a guy who probably won't be in my life next month. When something is serious, I'll let her know. In the meantime, my poor mom will keep getting her hopes up, unnecessarily, about the flavor of the week.