Wednesday, January 7, 2015

What I Got

Based on my previous entries, I'm sure I sound like a negative, no fun person. I go on dates and write pretty scathing reviews. I have a long list of ways guys can fuck it up before I've even met them. I have a long list of what I need to make me want to continue to see a guy. But why am I worth it? Am I?

In an effort to "flip the script" (I hate that phrase, "flip the script" sweet fuck), I need to figure out what I have that would make me worthy of this magical dream guy that I'm looking for. I started kicking this idea around a few days ago but go discouraged because I couldn't come up with anything. Literally nothing.

Except for being semi-slutty. I realized I get down on myself if a guy isn't trying to get in my pants on the first date. "What, I'm not good enough for you? Let's be real, I've got a big rack and an ass that won't quit. Get up on this."

And then I thought about how sick I must be that I only count it as a successful date if he makes it clear that he's interested in me physically. I'm a pretty shitty feminist, insisting I want to be treated as more then my body but then frustrated if a man doesn't appreciate my body. Jesus I'm a mess.

I posed the question to my ladies, so I could steal their answers that apply to me brainstorm. "What do you bring to a relationship?" Here's what I'm working with (besides the big rack and an ass that won't quit.):

  1. I'm smart
  2. I'm funny
  3. I kick ass at all maner of trivia games
  4. I'm quick to laugh
  5. I have a full time job
  6. Mom skillz, if (a big, huge, gigantic "if") we had a kid, I have proof that I can keep a kid alive. And I make really smart, cute babies. 
  7. I can bake some mean cookies or brownies or cake
  8. I'll totally do your laundry
  9. I'm kind (no really, I am!)
  10. I have a sense of adventure
  11. I'll watch football with you
  12. I'm good with names and birthdays, so I'll help you remember to send your mom a card
  13. I'm kinda sorta independent, so go out with the guys, go camping, have your own hobbies. I'll entertain myself sometimes.
  14. I don't always act it, but I'm classy as shit. I was raised well and you can take me anywhere. Your mom will love me!
  15. I'm loyal
  16. I'm a real good sex person I do it all the different ways - I'm a real good sex person I do it all the different ways  Kenneth Parcell

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