Tuesday, September 23, 2014


Usually, before I go out with a guy, I get to know them a bit. I typically ask "Have you ever been married?" and "Do you have any kids?" I've been married and I have a son, so I'm not against either of those things. I'm just a curious cat.

This is what's known in the game as foreshadowing chickadees. Eric's real name is Eric. I'm using his real name because fuck him. We met on Tinder, where all great love stories start. The conversation was going well so we set a date. We both like hockey so we decide to go see a minor league game.

Prior to the date he asks, "Do you have a passport?"
"Am I about to be trafficked?"
"No, I just thought we could go to Canada for a NHL game."
"Uhhh, I'm not going to another country on a first date with a guy I met online. I watch Dateline. I know how this ends."

So he switches back to plan A. Picks me up, we have an enjoyable conversation through rush hour traffic all the way to the arena. He asks why I didn't compliment him on his car. Mildly annoying, I brushed it off. We watch a minor league playoff game. Its fun. We are clicking.

The game ends. We go to dinner at an Irish Bar because its the week before St. Patty's Day and it seemed festive. We're having a nice dinner, sitting on the same side of a booth, being disgustingly adorable.

He takes me home to drop me off. I invite him in because I love making out. So obviously we start making out on the couch. He's a good kisser. He does have some mildly annoying qualities but I figure I'm down to make out with this guy and see him again. You never know right? He wants to take things further but I put the breaks on it and say we should call it a night. It was pretty late. So he leaves and we make plans to hang out two days from that night.

So Sunday night Eric arrives to pick me up and take me out to dinner. I'm ready to go and meet him at the door with my shoes on. He tells me we need to talk first. Oh this should be good.
"So you know how I said I don't have kids and have never been married?"
"Yes, I recall this conversation…"
"I actually have two daughters."
Internally I'm thinking, this isn't such a big deal. I'm pissed he lied, but let's see where this goes.
He continues, "And I'm actually still married."
At this point I'm pretty pissed. I'm legally still married but we haven't lived together in months and I've filed for divorce. This is complicated but something I could deal with, if he had been upfront.

"And I still live with my wife. But I'm totally going to file for divorce soon."

Nope. Nope. Nope. We're done here.


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