Thursday, September 25, 2014

The Passion of the..Wait, WHAT?

Many, many years ago when I was but a young innocent high school lass, my outgoing best friend Krissy taught Sunday school. It was extremely incongruous because we would spend much of Saturday acquiring alcohol, spend Saturday night getting mildly drunk off our pilfered beverages, I would spend the night at her house, and then we would drag our asses to teach Sunday School. This was usually followed by lunch at an Indian restaurant. Chicken Tikka Masala will always remind me of Krissy.

Krissy's Sunday School teaching partner (I was unofficial, and only attended when I had nowhere better to be) was a boy named…Sean I think? Sure, we're rolling with that. Sean went to the only other co-ed Catholic High School in the area. That school was much smaller and later Krissy and I would have an unofficial contest to see who could make out with more boys from that school.

So Sean asked me out. I wasn't really my type but I figured it couldn't hurt anything to go on a date or two with this guy. Damn. Was his name Sean? That's going to drive me crazy now. Sean was a little on the nerd side. A little on the chubby side. Waaaaayyyy on the Catholic side.

Now, I made it through 12 years of Catholic school, was an alter server and even got confirmed. I was a "good"ish Catholic girl which in my definition meant I made out with a lot of guys but went no further. Sean was super devout. I have no idea if he thought he could get me to behave or thought it would be a fun experiment to go out with a semi-wild girl.

So Sean and I went on a first date. I have no real memory of the date but it must have been nice enough because we went out again and this is the part you'll want to hear.

For our second date Sean and I had dinner and a movie. Dinner was at a Mexican restaurant. The movie was The Passion of the Christ. I know, I know, even for Catholic school kids, this makes for a horrible date movie. It was his idea and I went along with it because if I took the ticket stub to my religion class, I could get extra credit. Win/Win right?

So we find seats in the theater and the movie starts. Everyone is keeping their hands to themselves and being properly somber. Until the crucifixion scene.  Sean chose this moment to "Make His Move."
Y'all, he tried to make out with me and cop a feel. During The Passion of the Christ.

It startled the hell out of me and I very loudly said, "I CAN'T MAKE OUT WITH YOU WHILE THEY KILL JESUS!" So we finished the movie sitting side by side, not touching.


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