Busy

Jack has a day job and about 3 other companies that he runs on the side. He's a busy guy and his free time seems precious and rare. He says he feels like he doesn't spend enough time with me. And I would love for him to spend every free minute with me, but I feel guilty taking time away from all the business and screenplays and ideas he has.

In a way, he reminds me of Jay. He's constantly busy and creative, but its exhausting to keep up with. Every interaction turns into a discussion about his career, about a new idea he had, about a small success he had. I can't decide if I'm just jealous that all this stuff take away from me, or. No, you know what, that's it. I'm jealous of all this stuff. I feel boring in comparison. My dreams are smaller, my world, my successes and failures are all on a smaller scale. And that's fine. Jack can live his life being constantly busy, but I don't want that. To be honest, its kind of exhausting just to be around it.

Jack assured me that he thinks the Kid and I are interesting and "real." And that hearing about me and the Kid's conversations and adventures, makes him realize that he is lacking "realness" in his life. Jack doesn't have kids but has said he wants them. I want to have more kids. Or goals line up in that respect, but besides all of the other concerns I have about marrying Jack and having kids with him, the concern at the top of the list, is that he just doesn't have time for a baby.

Jack works late on occasions. That's fine, that happens. But Jack also keeps weird hours, he'll go to bed at 9 one night and stay up till 4AM the next. He sleeps through his alarms pretty consistently. He makes...inadvisable...financial decisions.

But what the hell do I know. Someday when Jack has a kid, he may get his shit together. I know I did when Kiddo arrived and especially after the post-partum depression haze lifted. Also, this is so so so dumb for me to worry about, crazy premature.