Shitstorm Damage Report: Mom

My ex husband called me up to try and get back together. I gently turned him down. Like a fucking fool who won't learn a lesson, I went to my mom for support and/or comfort.

I got her up to speed and said how I felt this wasn't a fair thing for him to dump on me. My mom's response, " He is just being honest. He might realize what he has lost and maybe grown up"

I said "Tough shit" and she said "well that is sad."

Fucking really? 

This guy can't dick me around for years, (YEARS) make huge decisions without me, act like a child from all the years that I've known him (10+) and think its ok to have me wait around for him to figure out that I'm a quality woman who deserves a real man. 

My freaking mom: "I just feel bad for all of you. I just really want you to be happy."

I told her that was upsetting to me. Ever since I decided that a divorce was the right choice, my parents have tried to tell me I'm wrong, tried to advocate for my ex, wanted to buy him Christmas presents, tried to make me feel like I'm selfish for making that choice, like I'm not a thoughtful parent for considering the impact on Kiddo. 

And it's hurtful. The ex has his own family. They all live locally. He kept all our mutual friends after the divorce. He has his own support structure. I want my own goddamn parents to be on my side. 

For the first time in my life, I drew a boundary with her. I told my mom that I am now strong, independent, and happy. If I were to start any sort of relationship with my ex, the new, strong person I am, would unravel, collapse like a dying star. I wish it would have worked with him. No one grows up thinking they'll get divorced. But I already had these discussions and emotions 18 months ago and its not fair for the ex to ask for an 85th chance after all this time. He's still unreliable, he hasn't changed and I won't be dragged back through that. Further, I told my mom that I hope she can understand all that and be supportive or else we would have to agree to not discuss this matter. 

Success? She responded that she understood and was happy that I made a new life for Kiddo and me and said "we love you both." I'm going to be optimistic and assume by both, she meant kiddo and me, not the ex and me. 

I think maybe I made progress with her, but I'm so irritated that her initial reaction was to be sad that I couldn't work it out with my ex husband. In a fairy tale, in a Lifetime movie, in a Kate Hudson-chick flick, he and I would magically work things out, fall in love and remarry. our son would have his parents back together and everything would be bliss. 

But meanwhile in the real world, I know that my happy ending is not with that man.