It's Good to be Home

When I got home from DC, Jack was there to pick me up from the airport and bring me home. He spent the night with me, talking and catching up mostly. We slept in super late the next day. I had the day off and he was playing hooky. It was a perfect morning.

We got up and went to the kangaroo petting zoo. A wallaby tried to hump Jack. We got to hold a baby kangaroo. We laughed a lot and it was so good to be back with him.

Once we had our fill of playing with kangaroos, we headed back to town. I needed to pick up Kiddo from the nanny. Originally, I planned to take Jack to his car and then pick up the Kiddo so they would not overlap. Due to traffic, it made more sense to pick up the Kid and then take Jack to his car.  I was a bit nervous for Jack and the Kid to interact since this wasn't a group setting and I hadn't really planned to introduce them yet. Oops.

I apologized all the way to the nanny's house. I have this fixed idea in my head that guys are dating me to be polite. That they don't really like me but are being nice and accommodating of myself and my kid just to be polite. It makes no sense, no one would act like that in the real world, but there it is in my head all the same. I love my Kid. He's funny and smart and sweet, but I feel as though he's a circumstance I need to apologize for. Which is gross and wrong and horrible of me.

We picked up the Kid and we were all hungry. Jack and I hadn't had lunch and my kid is a bottomless pit for food. So we went for burgers. Jack and Kiddo made tentative attempts at talking to each other but I could tell they were both nervous. I hadn't seen Kiddo in a week so I was having fun catching up with him and making sure he was behaving in the restaurant. (I'm super paranoid about having an unruly kid in public so I'm on edge trying to make sure he's using his manners and not being wild when we eat out.)  Focused in on my beautiful kid, I felt like I was ignoring Jack and briefly worried how I was ever supposed to juggle parenting and having a relationship.

Jack was anxious throughout dinner. We left and went back to my house so Jack could pick up his stuff and his car. I gave him a kiss and he left. He called me later, worried he'd blown it because he left my house so quickly. I tried to reassure him that everything was fine. Jack explained that he was worried Kiddo wouldn't like him, etc., etc., etc. Over and over, I told him that Kiddo is 3 years old and pretty much likes everyone.

We got off the phone, each convinced that everything was complicated now.