Friday, October 17, 2014


In high school, I was in the awkward position of not having a date to the Valentine's Dance. My friend Krissy set it up so that I would go with "Beeker," a guy from our circle of friends. He was tallish and skinny and very smart and very awkward.

We went to dinner. He paid. We went to the dance. We had a very unremarkable time but started dating. It almost seemed like it was out of obligation on both our parts. "Well I'm not doing anything better. Sure, I'll be your boy/girlfriend." Laziest relationship ever.

Frankly, I was embarrassed by him. I didn't want anyone to see us together. When popular girls would ask who I was dating, I would couch my reply to make it known that I was not that into Beeker. I was a bitch.

For his part, Beeker took me out to dinners and movies and in return, I'd let him slobber all over my face and call it kissing. We also experimented with awkward fumbling in the backseat of a car or in my basement or in his room.

I vividly remember dreading talking to him on the phone. Krissy had put the idea in Beeker's head that he needed to make more of an effort with me. This translated to nightly phone calls. Which were painful and boring and I could barely hear them. If you spend all day at school and in the same social circle with someone, there isn't much more to debrief about on the phone EVERY night. Adding to my irritation was the fact that I couldn't hear him well. I'd crank the volume on the phone to the max level. I'd remind him not speak up. I'd ask him not to mumble. It didn't matter, I could only hear about 45 % of these nightly chats.

One night, I think he was talking about lizards? We'd been having our usual late night snoozefest conversation when my brain registered that he'd hung up  the phone on his end. The fuck? Somehow I was able to get my brain to replay the last 30 seconds or so:

"Beeker": So what do you think?

Me: ...Silence because I'd checked out.

"Beeker": Are you there?

Me:...Silence because I'd checked out.

"Beeker:" Ok, bye.

I had spaced out! I straight up ignored him on the phone. I'm the worst.

Beeker and I broke up after 8 months together because I decided I'd rather be Jesse's Girl. But because I was a coward, I never said anything to Beeker. My friend Krissy saw me hanging in a park with Jesse and told Beeker about it. He never said anything either. We never had a fight about it, just never really talked again.

I hear he's still very tall and very smart and very awkward.

No comments:

Post a Comment