Wednesday, May 13, 2015

What I want Jack to know

I care about you a lot. I like you a lot. Bordering on "L-word" level care about you.
I know I was crazy in the beginning, trying to keep some walls up, trying to figure out what new way this relationship would break me or hurt me.
But that was exhausting. Being skeptical and guarded is a lot of work. Its so much easier to be happy. To have hope.

So I'm hopeful. Your little comments about math and about your airport surprise plan, I can't tell you what those mean to me. I want those to be reality so very much. But, I want to enjoy the present. I'm having such a great time with you here in this moment, making up silly jokes, kissing and talking for hours, and showing off my amazing boyfriend to the important people in my life.

But I see that you are maybe not having as much fun in the present. I don't know if you are worried about a future that we both want, but might not happen. Or if your worries are based on things that have happened in the past. Either way, there are limits to how much I can help you with those anxieties. I want to be by your side. I want to hold your hand and laugh with you all the time.

Please let me know if I can help you enjoy this as much as I am.
If it helps to know that I'm invested in this, please know, I'm all in. I want to give you all of me.
If it helps to know that I'm worried too, please know I do worry. I worry about you feeling pressure because there are 3 hearts at stake in this relationship. I don't want to put any extra burden on you, and as much as I can avoid it I will. But loving me means a package deal.
If it helps to know that I'm attracted to you, please know that I am being honest when I say, you are the hottest, most handsome, cutest boyfriend I've had. Ever.  Each time I see you, I'm reminded how lucky I am to be yours.

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