Friday, October 16, 2015

Pissed Off. Again.

I'm a fucking fool.
I keep making time for this guy. I keep trying to be thoughtful and compliant and a "cool girl."
Its not me and its exhausting.
He says things to make me feel like I'm at the top of his priorities.
But then he does things that show that is not quite true.
I'm mad. And maybe I don't have any right to be.
We spent time together last weekend, but there were little hiccups here and there and it was unnerving.
We talked, he said we'd see each other sometime this week. During the week. Before the weekend.
We did not.
And on Friday, when he's so tired from going out every night, he's going out with some guy friend.
For the second time this week.
So this guy is more important than me. Or at least that is how it feels to me.
I'm an idiot. I'm so dumb. I just keep setting myself up to be disappointed.
I'm over here trying to be patient and act like nothing phases me.
It does phase me.
I don't want to have to wake up and fight for my place in your life every day.
I don't want to beg for your attention.
I shouldn't keep having the same conversation about this with you.
I don't know what to do. I know what my brain says to do.
My heart disagrees.

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