Friday, April 29, 2016

Brandon 3

What am I doing with this man. Every other day, I'm thinking, "I'm in love, have a key to my home, live me us, love me like this forever." And then on the other days, "The sexual attraction is ....lacking, for fuck's sake stop talking, please get a job or a hobby or fucking something to do besidesfollow me like a puppy."

Its not good. I know I'm making this worse. In a phase where I thought it was love, I introduced Brandon to the kid. And my mom. And had dinner with his mom and brother. And agreed to a trip together next month.

Now I'm obligated to stay for a while.

He has like, 2 flaws. Nothing major. Nothing that should prohibit me from being crazy about this man. But I'm not, most of the time. The idea of starting over exhausts me. I don't want all the damn dating apps. I don't want shit first dates and awkward conversation. I don't want to throw this fish back only to find out there is nothing wrong with him, its what's wrong with me that makes me feel this way.

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