Asssssshole

Whatever, my son is the coolest. Literally what is even the thought process this guy has?

The Travel Bug

Its been years since I've gone on vacation. I've been on trips sure, but going to visit family is NOT a vacation. My parents invited me on a cruise of the Baltic Sea with them and hundreds of other older couples. Pass. My mom made mention of going to Hawaii with her, my dad, and my son. Which could be fun, but she says a lot of things and who knows if they will really come to fruition.

Throughout the fall, I had several thoughts of places I wanted to visit and always figured, "Oh I'll go with my boyfriend once I have a serious one." That didn't happen and its not on the horizon. I'm going on a trip by myself. I've taken flights by myself, sure, but had family or friends waiting at the airport to pick me up. This is going to be an adventure of my own.

I kicked around some ideas about where to go. I really want to go to Europe, but think I'll need to work up to that. So I started figuring out Stateside places I'd like to visit. Vegas alone sounded depressing. New Orleans and Boston were possibilities. Maybe New York? One of my degrees is in history, so I focused on cities with a lot of history. Going through the South and visiting plantations and civil war battlefields sounded fun, but a road trip that would be more fun with a partner. Ditto for a road trip through New England.

I settled on Washington D.C. I've been there before but didn't get to see enough. I'm confident I can navigate the metro and I know there will be more than enough for me to do, no chance to be bored or lonely. I did some research and figure a plane ticket will be about $400. Hotels looked to be the pricey part, but then I started perusing airbnb. I think I can spend a week in DC for less than $2,000.

The more I mull the idea over, the more excited I get. I can linger at a museum for as long as I want. I don't have to visit any site I'm not interested in. I figured out how to get signed up for a tour of The Capitol and The White House and The Pentagon. I'm excited for the adventures I'm going to have!

That's Not Really My Thing....

I guess kudos for being so comfortable with his fetish?

Under Construction

I'm working on building a life I love while I'm single. I'm not just sitting around waiting for "him," whoever he might be. Some of the areas I'm focusing on:

• Budget. I kept track of every cent I received and spent in the month of January. I kept a record of it and found that I ended the month with -$549.02. Ouch. Luckily, that's mostly due to a lot of non-recurring expenses. $500ish dollars on vet bills for the cats (check ups and vaccinations), the yearly fee on my credit card, ordering more checks, and supplies for the kid's birthday party. 
• So now its a game with myself to see how much I can save each month. I'm extremely lucky in that I have no debt. But I pay my car insurance twice a year, so I need to plan ahead for that. It always manages to sneak up on me. I need to make some sort of effort to save for retirement so I don't end up eating cat food when I'm a senior. And I want to go on vacation which is expensive as hell (at least, it is the way I do it).
• DIY. My house is new construction and pretty much furnished and decorated the way I want it to be. DIY more in the sense of I need to stop acting like a helpless little girl. For as long as I can remember, I've always known that if something was too hard or I just didn't feel like doing it, I could get a man to do it. Ex. Driver's Ed homework. 
• My fence needs to be stained. So once the weather is good, I'm going to get out there and do it myself. I'm not sure exactly what other projects this will extend to, but I've got to stop acting like an empty-headed bimbo and take care of my own shit. 
• Exercise. Its not about getting to a certain number, though I have a goal weight in mind. Its about getting healthier, getting toned, not eating so much crap food. If I'm going to want a man who is attractive and in decent shape, I have to hold myself to that standard as well. 
• I belong to a gym already but only go sporadically. Now that my kid-free weeks aren't booked with back-to-back dates, the plan is to get to the gym 3 times a week on non-kid weeks. And at least once a week with the kid. the gym has childcare but sometimes he freaks out and they have me take him out.
• Friends. I have a handful of girlfriends and then a bunch more "girl acquaintances" but usually my best friend is my partner. And that's fine but I don't have a partner and am not currently seeking one. 
• In an effort to work on my friendships, my goal is to have one "friend date" a week. I don't care what I do, or which friend I do it with, but I need to make more of an effort to be more social. To have a life outside of men.  

N/A

Its been two more weeks. I still hate those voicemails. But they have less power now. I'm not going over these or trying to look back with rose colored glasses. Tom is and was a hateful, cruel person. But the voicemails are laughable because the insults don't hurt now that I've thought about it.

In my messages to Tom (which were not my finest moment, but also not threatening) I knew what his insecurities are and I targeted them because I wanted to hurt him. Its kind of funny to me now because I have insecurities, a long list of them, but Tom didn't know me enough to target those. So he went with generic insults, that are not applicable to me. 

• He called me bald. My hair is graying, sure. But I'm not bald or close to bald. Like most girls, I've joked about going bald when my hair brush gets full of hair, or I feel like I'm shedding excessively. I'm not bald, so this statement doesn't apply to me or hurt me. 
• He made fun of the Seahawks for losing the Super Bowl. As if I had some effect over that? As if I'm not still proud of my team, and impressed that they made back to back Super Bowl appearances? As if his current facebook profile isn't a picture of him in a Seahawk shirt. That I bought him. Next. 
• Tom said I'm raising my son to be a pussy. My son is all of 3 years old. My son is healthy, happy and smart. He has two parents who love him and have a friendly relationship. My son is so blessed to have 4 loving grandparents, 4 great-grandparents, tons of Aunties and Uncles, and a great group of friends. My son is kind and loving. He's gentle with babies and animals. He's thoughtful and curious, stubborn and moody. He's a lot of things, and will grow up to be a lot of things, a pussy is not on that list. 
• Tom said I'm ugly, so ugly that he doesn't know what he ever saw in me and must have been high for the 9 months we were together. I have a fat stack of love letters and little notes from Tom. I have another voicemail where he calls me beautiful and says he loves me. I know for a fact, because he told me, that Tom had Pinterest boards of ideas for how to propose to me, how he envisioned our wedding, gifts and vacations he wanted to give to me. He can deny it and call it whatever he wants now, but he told me I was his other half. Plus for an ugly girl, I seem to have no trouble finding other men who want to date me...
• Tom said I'm a hoe, that I'm like a merry-go-round because everyone's had a ride on me. Nah. Everyone has definitely not had a ride on me. Additionally, the attempts to slut shame me won't work because I'm slut shameless. My value, my identity, my self worth, none of that is tied to how many men I've had sex with. 

Steve #2

Steve came and met up with me at one of my favorite dive-y bars. It was a quiet weekday night and I thought we could have a drink and get to know each other more. The bar also had karaoke that night but I wasn't sure if we'd be partaking. Steve saw that karaoke was happening and went and got a binder and started talking songs with me. I like that.

We both sang a few songs. We played a game of darts (surprisingly I wasn't too bad!) and Steve won. I picked out a song that I knew was a duet and I was game to sing both parts myself, Steve saw that it was a duet and came up and joined me. I like that too.

We ended up having 3 rounds of drinks and doing quite a bit of singing and talking. We played the same game as our first date of taking turns asking each other questions. Steve's tended to be pretty sexual but I answered anyway. It does give me pause that he's just trying to "hit it and quit it," but we ended the night with kissing in the parking lot.

I feel like the vibe was right to have invited him back to my house but it was already midnight on a weekday. And my whole house is in need of cleaning. And I was certain that if he came over we'd end up in bed. Or at least with less clothes than we started the night with. I'm attracted to him and I think he's smart and funny and interesting, but I'm not ready to have sex with him. And if that makes him leave, I'm ok with that.

What a Fabulous Offer

 Are you fucking serious? Pass.