Down the Internet Wormhole

You know what's not fun?

When your boyfriend and two of his exes are very easily googled and you fall into a pit of pictures and videos and blogs between them, about them.

It's my fault for looking. And I have a past too. I don't really know why it should even hurt.

When my head clears, I know that if Jack wanted to be with either of those women, he would be. I'm not proud of this thought, but I know, objectively, I'm more attractive than the two of them. I'm certainly smarter.  I know enough of why those relationships ended to not feel threatened or jealous of those women, should they come back on the scene.

But a small, petty, mean part of me likes to google and find this shit and hurt myself. Sick I know.

My best guess that I'm jealous of the time they had with him. That they knew him better than I currently do. Which is stupid because I have years to get to know him better. We have our own inside jokes and secret phrases, significant songs and memories.

I'm confident I'll get past this. And I would never ask him to delete it all. I think I really just wrote this rambling shitty post because I strongly believe that once you can name the feeling, it will subside.
So jealousy, go home. You won't ruin this.